A Strange SortofFairy Tale
by Seraph's Cry
Summary: Heero POV 1x2. For the love of Duo Maxwell, Heero Yuy is about to face his deepest fears.*NOW LOADING FINAL CHAPTER!*
1. Prologue Restless Perfection

'A Strange Sort-of- Fairy Tale' 

Told from Heero's point of view

Unlike most of my stories there is no random side plot or original character, strictly Heero and Duo love in a Drama/Romance 

Warnings: angst, shonen-ai, lack of sleep, 1x2

Disclaimer: Something I put at the beginning of stories so the rightful owners of these pretty boys do not sue me.  

'Prologue ~ Restless Perfection'

It would be humanly impossible to accurately determine exactly when and how my agreeably unhealthy obsession with Duo Maxwell began. Easily, I could muse that war impacts the lives of soldiers so that they are irrationally bonded through deep seeded wounds scabbed together. However, I care not for the soldier-pilot-god of death, but for the frail boy whose every movement draws me into a deeply meditative trance. 

His body was a divine sight to behold. Although by far the thinnest of our five, his frail form compacted a lean muscle under tightly stretched cream skin. Admittedly, I had countless opportunities to catch a glimpse of his essence in full glory, but averted my gaze out of an unyielding respect for the fragile heart that beats within his firm chest.    

I cannot see any use for sexuality in a soldier's life. Procreation is not something currently resting heavily on my mind, but the energy he omits the moment those narrow hips shift slightly to the left awakens the primal sexual instincts within my brain. That foolish sexual instinct clouded my mind into allowing the predator to join me in my home. 

For all the numerous places the creature could have gone once peace was finally achieved, for all the companions he had, he asked _me _to share an address with him and I imprudently accepted his proposal. Having joined the Preventers, I had certain obligations to fulfill. Facing no objection from Duo, I opted for a position as senior director at the branch on L1. 

Our home would have been an amusing sight for guests, if we'd ever had any. The walls remained completely bare, the outlines of the previous tenants hangings adorned our enclosure. Knowingly little of furniture styles and having no interest in shopping, I designated Duo a certain amount of money to purchase fixtures. Thus the living contained three mix-matched velveteen sofas, and a ying-yang coffee table. His frugality astonished me; although, I am one to agree that there are more things in life than furniture, I can clearly remember the look in his violet eyes whenever we entered one of Quatre's many homes. With the funds available I had expected to return home to leather recliners and a chaise longue, at least I wanted him to get the big screen TV he always marveled over. But the ten-inch screen sat crowned with rabbit ears on a crate in the corner. 

The bedrooms were another difficult matter. Duo purchased two twin sized beds and placed them in the same spacious room with hardwood floors. Of course I uttered not one word about the unused room across the hall. I had been grappling with the idea of having him so far at night. I had become accustomed to his rhythmic breathing lulling me to slumber. Oddly, man could make no sleep aid as effective as Duo Maxwell's snoring.  

 I spent each evening watching him, studying his every curve, movement, and expression. He seated himself before the television or sprawled out like a purring kitten with a book. I would pretend to study reports, all the while watching as each hair on his head shifted slightly. Some nights he attended parties or wondered out to local clubs with co-workers. He often offered me an invitation to join him, but I couldn't accept. I could never bear to watch him move through a crowded nightclub, dirty hands touching and groping his transcendent body. It would be like watching the destruction of a priceless work of art. Instead, turned on the coffee maker and sat in the kitchen awaiting his return when he would regale me with tales of drag queens and drunken fools, even conquests of lust. I was completely content in this sweet torture, but the dream ended all too soon. 

It wasn't but six months subsequent to our taking up residence that Howard and his Sweepers passed through L1 and Duo joined his friends for a casual meeting. Duo had been working as a mechanic for a local fleet of shuttle manufactures. He took the job insisting that he wanted something ordinary, this was the time to settle down; six months latter he had begun to grow tiered of the redundant job.  

He asked me before they departed if I wanted him to stay. I should have been honest with him, and begged. Still Howard had lost two good men and need the help. Somewhere or somehow Duo Maxwell had become the air I breathed, my religion if you will; I praised his divined figure each day from affair. My services of worship were going to have to be cut short. Duo has always been a creature of beauty, intelligence, and rapture. Someone so wild should be free to float through space as he chooses.

Now I just have a void that hangs in the air of my dwelling, where Duo Maxwell once stood.  

TBC …

Ok so that was really short but it's just to start! Please please please review? 

Pretty please with a naked Duo on top? ^^

Oh an it will be pretty obvious once we get into the next chapter what the title is in reference too, and it's not the cool song by tori ^_^ I love you tori!!! Almost as much as I love Duo, but not quite ^^


	2. Insomnia Day 1

Same Disclaimers and Warnings apply

'Chapter 1 ~ Insomnia Day 1'

A resounding irritating echo awoke me from a deep slumber. The pho-moonlight poured in from the unwrapped window and burnt my eyelids. I never found the need for frilly curtains to hide the light; more over, I feel the need to let the light in to save me from the nightmares the blackness brings. 

Untangling myself from the sheets became an ordeal unto itself. After Duo's departure I coupled our twin beds together so that I might have more room to thrash around during those night terrors I imagine all past soldiers perform. Of course this proved to be a torturous mistake. The mattress on the right side held in Duo's pheromones and sent of lavender oil and laying on it was a sick game for my hormones. Doing laundry had become another vile torment as I kept finding lose chestnut strands among the sheets. I could not tolerate waste of one fragile silken hair and had begun to collect them in a black ribbon Duo had forgotten on the bathroom sink.  

The evil tone continued to assault my ears as I made my way down the hall. Stumbling half-awake I discovered the source of the noise; the video phone. The phone hadn't ringed once since the day Duo resumed his life as a Sweeper. Being more social than I, Duo received countless phone calls at all hours of the day from friends keeping in touch, and social invites to clubs and parties. Naturally, I was shocked to awaken to such a sound. I can't imagine who would attempt to contact me, and at such and early hour. 

I was further taken back when I placed the receiver to my ear and found the intense almond eyes of Chang Wufei glaring straight through me. Wufei and I were co-workers at the Preventers. However, he preferred fieldwork as I remained at the branch on L1 consistently. Perhaps I didn't want to leave the home Duo and I shared. His soft sent still greeted me as I entered at the end of the day. 

Obviously, I thought the worst; another war or a terrorist attack, why else would he be calling at such an early hour? Or at all for that matter?

"Chang." I sighed heavily as I placed one hand beside the phone on the kitchen wall. "May I ask as to what I owe the pleasure?" 

" Heero, you seem slightly disoriented, did I wake you?" 

I couldn't help but scoff at his ignorance, "It is approximately 4am, you really need to ask? I can only assume the world is coming to an end or else you wouldn't be awake yourself."

"Yuy," He replied ignoring my jest, his tone of the utmost sincerity, "I apologize for disturbing you, I seem to have forgotten the time difference. However, there is a matter of utmost importance I need you to attend to, involving Duo. There appears to have been an accident in the vicinity of L7 [1] I suggest getting yourself on the next shuttle over here."

He didn't have to continue; I was lost after Duo's name came into the conversation. My insides were screaming that I must be partly responsible for any ill that befell the braided beauty. I was the one who let him leave when I had every chance to cry out for his delayed departure. How foolish am I to have wasted such precious moments of bliss in the prescience of a rightfully self-proclaimed god?  

My thoughts must have caused my mind to fade for quite awhile for Wufei was crying out in a frantic manner when I finally realized the phone still rested on my ear. 

" I understand Chang. How long before he will be admitted?" 

I could see his expression lax slightly once he recognized I had been listening all the while. "The emergency unit is supposed to arrive with in the hour. If he survives he'll be kept in the ER until his vital signs stabilize. After, I don't know Yuy. No one has ever survived five days hovering in space alone before, I'm not even sure if the hospital is fully prepared to handle this kind of emergency." 

The ache and shame are boiling like molten fire up my esophagus. My vision must be affected as well for I swear the man on the vid-phone panel is weeping. I have seen buildings fall and millions die, but I have never witnessed one of my fellow pilots cry. The world must be ending; my universe is certainly toppling in the abyss. 

I'm not sure exactly how I found my voice but I suppose part of my brain is continually set to autopilot to cover for moments of sentiment. " I'll be on the next shuttle out."   

"I'll meet you at the port, and Heero?" 

The autopilot is throwing him an inquisitive expression while my internal aspect grimaces. 

"Be prepared for the worst." He chokes out the last sentence and hesitates before replacing the phone on the receiver and the screen blackness out. 

I don't think my entire body has ever gone numb from the inside out before this moment. Training should have prepared me for moments such as these; in war casualties happen. However, Duo wasn't on the battle field, he was doing his job; aboard a wreck while it was in toe, a mechanical malfunction in the ships computer caused the newly restored life-support system to fail. Another failure in the external sensors caused the wreck to collide with the Sweepers ship. Three men were killed, and Duo had been presumed among them until a passing cargo ship discovered his body floating in space. I can't even muster the strength to replace the phone and it just rests on my shoulder as I outwardly glare and the panel before me. I want the screen to light up again and have Duo's outlandish grin mock me for falling for his latest prank. 

Alas, no sparkling gemstone eyes illuminate the video screen. This is real. Duo Maxwell may already be dead, and the part of that had previously begun to decay with regret is about to splinter. 

***

Shuttles are by far the most diseased, repulsive, and deafening way to travel. The engines roar rivaled that of seven of Trowa's circus lions. Always over-crowded and ridden with infants, it is by far impossible to feel comfortable locked in such a space. I am thinking of asking Relena to institute a new travel regulation; no infants aboard shuttle flights before 9am.

 Moments such as these render a feeling of loss for my Wing. The mecha was a war machine and therefore had no need for existence in times of peace; however, those who have piloted one know, no place in the world could ever be so peaceful as the hanger of a free-floating Gundam in space. 

Although, I do imagine Duo's embrace would be equally, if not more serene: Duo. His name has become my mantra over the past three hours and I am fighting the urge to rush the cockpit, throw the captain from his chair, and fly the shuttle myself. 

The fifteen hour shuttle ride from L1 to L7 could easily be cut down to five hours if the old geezer flying this rusted hulk of metal would hit the gas. I tried to rest, I truly did; but the constant clamor of poorly maintained machinery coupled with an unknowing worry glued my eyelids open.  

***

My arrival on L7 proved to be less eventful than I originally anticipated; which was a very good thing. Wufei greeted me at the gate with a stern expression. He seemed to read the question in my eyes and consciously nodded to affirm that Duo was still among the living. The reaction I provided mustn't have been the one he anticipated; he searched my face for a great deal of time while we waited for the car to brought around. I suppose he sought out the violently flowing tears typical of this type of situation. He's going to be looking for a long time then; I have begun to wonder if I was born without tear ducts. Inside I could cry rivers for days on end, but outwardly I remain completely congested. A warriors curse, Trowa once told me, abstaining from displaying manifestations of pain prevents enemies from knowing weaknesses. Unfortunately it also thwarts those you love from gaining access to your emotions.   

Wufei remained solemn the entire time we were in the car, only adding a few phrases here and there. 

"Carbon dioxide poising"

I had been avoiding conversation by seemly devoting my attention to the passing surroundings; it appears that Wufei wasn't deceived. 

"Excuse me?" My gaze turned to meet Chang eye to eye, but he kept his onyx glare on the road ahead as he spoke. 

" Carbon dioxide poisoning, from being in the same space suit for a week with out clean air, the CO2 filters went. He also had severe dehydration and heavy affects of malnutrition when they brought him in last night."  

Malnutrition? He was kidding right? Duo Maxwell suffered through some of the worst years of the plague on L2 as a street orphan, of course his body was heavily affected by malnutrition. Perhaps Duo never talked to the Chinese boy about that part of his life. Despite his social demeanor, he rarely discusses his childhood. 

I suppose Wufei had gotten frustrated by my lack of vocal interest in the conversation, and just focused his attention on driving, not uttering another syllable. I did not need his update on Duo's condition at any rate. As soon as we arrive at that hospital, I'm going to have my way with those moronic doctors.  

L7 is an industrial colony solely dedicated to mining along the asteroid belt. Relatively new in it's construction, few people other than workers inhabit it. I can imagine the hospital must have limited facilities; Duo would receive much better care had he been taken to the Preventers outpost on L3; unfortunately, the medics thought he wouldn't survive the journey. They underestimate him too much. 

Duo Maxwell holds with in his character an unsurpassed strength that shines brightest in times of crisis. That light drew me to him, and holds my soul with his at this moment. I wouldn't want to exist in a world without that radiance.

***

I don't know witch odor nauseates me more, that of the packed shuttle or the signature smell of a hospital waiting room. Our arrival at the infirmary has been completely uneventful. Chang was admitted to Duo's room the moment we arrived and I had been informed that I was to wait. So wait I have for the past three hours. 

I can feel my heart drop down below my ankles as I slump further in to the plastic chair. The receptionist keeps glaring at me, but the perfect soldier can stair her down easily.  

She whispers something to a portly woman dressed in blue, who approaches me with a big false grin on her face. The only grin I want to see right now is the one Duo sports. 

"Mr. Yuy?" 

I nod.

"I have been instructed that Mr. Maxwell has been transferred out of the ER and is prepared for visitors."

She's looking at me oddly. I don't know what kind of response she's expecting, but a blank stair is all I care to give her. 

"Right this way please." 

She leads down a winding hall lined with gurneys to an elevator, all the while maintaining silence, much to my relief. The nervousness is bubbling up in my stomach now. I can feel anxiety coming in waves making it hard to uphold balance. I keep my attention focused on the illuminated number four on the elevators control panel as we being to ascend. Why is it time passes so slowly when you're anticipating something? 

The heavy doors slide open and I am completely dumbstruck by my surroundings. Hospital walls are supposed to be white correct? These walls are adorned by colorful paintings of clowns and rainbows, small red chairs and a low circular table rest in the center of what I assume to be the waiting area, and flowers; false flowers are daggling down from the ceiling and drifting in the breeze of the vents. Now I definitely have something to say to this portly woman with the plastered phony grin. 

"Excuse me, but isn't this the children's ward? I believe you've made an error."

"No Mr. Yuy, Mr. Maxwell's room is directly down the hall to the left."

I scoffed raising my brow, "Just why would an adolescent young man be placed in the children's ward might I ask?"

"Mr. Maxwell is a minor with no insurance, he was lucky to be admitted at all. If it weren't for your Preventer friend, the medics would have left him out there."

Obviously not enjoying having her authority questioned, she spun on her heal and left me to search out Duo on my own. I'm going to make quick work of this. 

Surely enough down the hall to the left in room 7A I found a sight that will haunt my dreams until the day I depart from this world. Duo Maxwell must have died for the frail shadow of a lad that lay in that bed could not be he. I hung limply in the doorframe and surveyed the ghastly spectacle. 

He was most perfectly presented laid out in crisp white linens that had not one wrinkle. The white of the sheets and the pale of his skin blended together into one angelic robe surrounding his innocent face. His hair hand been groomed and arranged to fan out on the pillow like a crown around his head. Even on the verge of death he took my breath away. But then I noticed the machines. 

Suppressing the urge to lurch forward and tear those atrocious tubes from his flaccid body, I waited for Chang to take note of my presence. The horror of such magnificence darkened by tubes and monitors brought my stomach into a churn that threatened vomiting. I have never known my heart to ache as it does in this moment. 

Duo Maxwell is suffering.

Duo Maxwell is hurting. 

Duo Maxwell may be dying. 

Chang is on his knees by the bedside. His lips are moving quickly and silently in what I would say is prayer except that I have never known Wufei to be a religious man; however, I suppose at times like these everyone is religious. He finishes his hymn and rises to brush his lips across Duo's forehead. I have also never known Chang Wufei to be an affection man so therefore that act raises my suspicions and boils my blood. Duo Maxwell is _my_ rapture, _my_ oxygen, _my_ adoration, and _my_ religious conviction. To no one else will I lose him, not to death and not to pilot zero five. The tension in my body must have caused the floor to creek for the Chinese man took note of my entrance and moved to greet me. 

"Heero, I'm sorry they didn't let you up sooner."       

"Hn." Sorry? You don't know the first thing about remorse.

"He's been comatose for the past eighteen hours and unresponsive to external stimuli since they picked him up."

I understand what he's trying to tell me, although I wish I didn't.  "You mean he's brain dead?" 

" The doctors aren't exactly sure of the extent of the carbon dioxide poising, but it most likely caused some irreversible brain damage." He sighs, all the while keeping his eyes fixed on Duo. "If he does wake up he may never be the same." 

He may never be the same, and I let him leave. He may never breathe the warm summer air again, and I let him leave. The guilt and worry are hovering over me like my own little black rain cloud. 

"Heero" He paces his hand on my shoulder, a poor attempt at comforting my raging heart. "We can only be in here one at a time for an hour at a time. You talk to him, I'm going to grab some coffee."

Before I have a chance to protest, he is gone, and I'm standing alone in a room with a beauty I haven't gazed on in ten weeks. 'Talk to him' I winced mentally at the thought. How does one hold a conversation with an unconscious person? Even when we shared a home Duo did most of talking while I hung on his every word. Distraught I moved over to the bedside and pulled up a poorly padded wooden chair. Slumping down, my gaze averted the boy before me and wondered through out the room and lay to rest on a box of children's books in the far corner. I rose and select a title that seemed most appropriate, "Sleeping Beauty". Returning to my chair I flipped open the colorful cover and began reading aloud:

"Once upon a time …"   

TBC … 

[1] I dunno…good band…so now it's a colony…whatever… made it up ;p

Ok so is this just anther stupid, over-done idea? I've never done anything like this so I'm having fun but ummm I don't think our boys are . 

Please don't hurt me ^^

* runs and hides * 

PS I wrote most of this while sleep deprived during finals. If something doesn't make sense blame my biological anthropology professor. 


	3. Insomnia Day 2

I apologize for all those who tried to read this before.the html files aren't loading in my browser properly.this one's just text  
  
Disclaimers and Warnings are still in affect. Song //"Sleeping Beauty"// by A Perfect Circle  
  
//Delusional I believed I could cure it all for you dear Coax or trick or drive or drag the demons from you make it right for you sleeping beauty truly thought I could magically heal you//  
  
'Chapter 2 ~ Insomnia Day 2'  
  
To watch over my slumbering angel again was truly ecstasy and agony intertwined. In Duo's absence I had become accustomed to silence, however to sit next to him without him muttering a word, it was torture of the cruelest variety. The doctors had suggested that any familiar sound could draw Duo from the slumber that could last a week or a lifetime and encouraged us to talk to him. For lack of my own words, I read to him from a verity of children's books, which littered the ward. Each happily-ever- after brought unshed tears to my already bloodshot eyes. All the while I allowed the perfect solider to run on autopilot and prevent the internal torment from rising to my face. A mechanical device next to the bed aided each breath from Duo Maxwell's lips. I could not help but fear that machine might fail as well with the braided boy's luck. He might never see happily- ever-after at this rate.  
  
The time passed all too quickly as a nurse came to relive me of my post.  
  
The night passed in shifts, as Chang and I alternated spend time with the sleeping angel. Confined for periods of time to the over-crowded waiting area, I relaxed in the undersized chairs attempting to find some sort of peace, which never came. The thoughts running rapid through my mind kept my eyes glued to the wall clock. The tension, the waiting, the knowledge that Duo was laying there helpless had me so on edge that a pin drop would set off the soldier defense.  
  
In an attempt to create a more familiar surrounding for the sleeping boy, Wufei contacted Quatre and Trowa and requested that they join us on L7; however, busy with the company, Duo's Arabian friend would not be able to travel for several days. He did however offer to have the boy transported to an accredited facility once the doctors deemed him safe to make the voyage. The clown had apparently run off with the circus and it would take the blonde at least a week to get in touch with him. My hope for the charming American to awaken dwindled with each passing tick of the second hand on the wall clock.  
  
Memories flooded back as I attempted to rest my weary gaze. I will never be able to pin point exactly what drew me to him in the beginning; perhaps it was his honesty and sincere desire to bring about a better tomorrow. The trait that stands out most is his eyes; those sparking violet eyes that held so much anguish yet so much delight. The blaze of flaming desire that rose in them during battle, and the elusive twinkle of the night sky dancing around those orbs in joyous times brought to me a simple pleasure that I can not logically explain. To think I may never see them open again rips my soul to shreds.  
  
A slight tapping on my shoulder signals Wufei's return. I glance up at him through my ragged hair to see his face reddened once again; he's been crying. I genuinely envy him in his ability to display emotion without becoming totally overwhelmed. Perhaps I have finally lost my mind because I am wondering if his concern for Duo Maxwell is simply that of a friend. The look in the Chinese boy's eyes somehow causes me to sincerely doubt that. Then again, I suppose I have little right to complain, as I have never voiced any intentions toward the violet-eyed-angel. Actually, I am still unsure of exactly what those intentions are. Regardless, jealousy is a wicked fiend that is hard to control, even for the soldier.  
  
Without a word I slip by Wufei and continue back down the hall to take my sentinel.  
  
***  
  
The drape around Duo's bed is closed. Why is the drape closed? I can hear a female voice humming lowly. There's someone in there. I. Don't. Like. This. One. Damn. Bit. The sharp sound echoed as I ripped the curtain from its rings, which startled the nurse who had been apparently attending to Duo's 'bath'. My chest heaved with frustration. I must have look like a wild animal for the poor nurse fell back against that wall in fright.  
  
"Mr. Yuy!" She exclaimed clutching her chest in theatrics, "What is the meaning of this? You scared me half to death!"  
  
I moved over toward her as she stood, still clutching the ripped sheet in my fist.  
  
"Mr. Yuy, I was simply trying to bathe Mr. Maxwell. You really needn't be so hostile."  
  
Grabbing her wrist, I gaze lifelessly at the object in her clutch. A sponge bath: how demeaning. I quickly remove the offensive object and place it in the basin on the side table. "Leave." I snarled; the aggression in my voice makes it hard for me to recognize it as my own. She quickly complies with my request as I release her from my grip. I am now left alone with a partly exposed Duo Maxwell and a basin of lukewarm water. The sheets are pulled back to expose his lower body and I can clearly see where the catheter is inserted. For the first time since my arrival I am experiencing physical empathy for my companion. The nausea comes in waves and I can feel myself loosing balance. I carefully lower my quivering body into a bedside chair and allow my head to drop into my hands. I don't know how much more of his suffering I can take. To view him lying there so feeble and fragile with the knowledge that I could have prevented this with a simple request is driving me to lunacy. His legs are so thin the tiniest joints in his knees are clearly visible. Those delicate hands are almost skeletal, I fear that if I clutch one I will surely fracture it. I manage to compose myself enough to stand and complete the task the nurse has left me.  
  
To view him this way brings the revelation that there mustn't be a god. No divine being would allow an angel such as mine to suffer so. The humiliations of being rendered unable to bathe one's self or urinate without the aid of medical equipment, is this the fate a god would choose for such a noble seraph? Would a deity take such pleasure in cursing me to watch the one I cherish most wither away? No, Duo Maxwell is my god and no other shall take his place. Even in such a compromising position his face radiates a glow of heavenly light. I wonder if he's dreaming.  
  
Hurrying to complete my task before the water cools further, I wring the sponge over the basin and start at his feet. Massaging gently, each digit receives individual attention as I move the squishy cloth in and around the narrow crevices. I swear I can feel his body relax under my touch. After toweling off each toe to insure he doesn't lose and critical warmth, I take fresh water from the bowl and start at his ankle moving slowly up his calf. His skin is soft like a lamb's fleece and almost as pale. Strange it seems for me to touch him in such an intimate way when for the longest time I recoiled at sharing a simple handshake wit him. Then my hands were always filthy with the blood of combat, and to touch him would soil his beauty. The evidence of his life of hardship is marked along the trial I've taken. Small puckered peach skin taunt in tiny serrations testify to the destruction our efforts caused. If I could have done it all and sparred him the suffering I would have.  
  
I do my best to avoid the tender skin on the insides of his thighs; the catheter is no doubt causing discomfort in the genital region. Although Wufei had said the doctors deemed him unresponsive to stimuli, goose bumps form as a result of the cool air. Therefore I use extreme caution as not to pain him further. So pure and delicate, his skin has become so transparent that I am chasing the blood flow in one long aqua vein running from the pit of his knee up and around his tight chest. As I trace around the petite pink nipples they gather and peek, much to my surprise. His nervous system must be recovering.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
My voice is so harsh from lack of sleep or meals but carries the message of my concern.  
  
Still his body remains motionless and completely unaware of my presence. I sigh deeply and reach for the towel to erase the most tracks I've made. As I lean forward a swift movement catches the corner of my gaze. His hand just shifted, didn't it? My emotional state must be getting the better of me. Tempted, I gingerly run the lightest touch of my fingers along the muscles of his upper body, focusing the intense stare on his closed eyes. I long for the water could wash away the pain and suffering of the past. For those scars to be erased for his velveteen casing, and then sink deeper through the pores to remove the ones I know are etched in his soul. I would sell what little essence I posses to have him whole again. I apply slightly more pressure with the ball of my palm and continue to trace down his abdomen, where I replace the clean linens over his lower form. I withstand the desire to do as Chang did, and place my lips on the sleeping beauty, I would still do nothing but tarnish his already damaged body. Instead I sit on the edge of the hospital bed, at his side, and cup one hand in mine.  
  
'Talk to him.' The phrase repeats over and over in my disoriented mind. 'About what?' I mentally respond. There are not enough words in any dialect to express all the sentiments I have bottled up over the past two years.  
  
"You only need one."  
  
My head snaps to attention and strategically scans the room. I did just hear that, right? Having found no one else I turn back to my friend and gaze at him hazily.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
Still no response; I must have imagined it. I heave a sigh once again and lean back onto his still uncovered muscular chest. His heart pounds slow, steady and soft beneath taut porcelain skin: such a soothing melody. Allowing my body to relax into his, I take in his scent and the feel of his skin under my cheek. My eyelids feeling heavy, I permit them to close for a moment. This must be heaven, melting into him, puddling up and encompassed by his heat falling into oblivion. This must be the reason men write sonnets and conquer mountains, this warmth. This overwhelming contentment in the comfort of those they care for. My thoughts are taken back by a sudden weight on my right shoulder. Defensive, I leap from the bed and spin around expecting to find Wufei or that intrusive nurse. Instead I find no one. Only Duo and myself occupy the room. Once again I turn to the resting body on the bed with an inquisitive look.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
Yet again, there is no response. However his body has shifted slightly, his right arm rests on his chest where my head had been only a moment ago. He's aware. He knows I'm here.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
I call him again more forcefully. Still he refuses to stir.  
  
"Duo I know your awake, please respond."  
  
I watch in astonishment as he slowly and awkwardly lifts his arm and replaces it by his side. My heart is doing cartwheels around my rib cage in relief.  
  
"Duo, please just open your eyes."  
  
My voice horse and earnest; however, his violet eyes refuse to flutter.  
  
He must be regaining consciousness. I hop back onto the bed and strattle his stomach, shaking his shoulders with a firm grip.  
  
"Duo! Can you hear me?!"  
  
His movements are like a rag doll, limp and unnatural.  
  
"Please Duo, this isn't a joke. Just open your eyes. Please!"  
  
I shook his body more violently digging my nails into his shoulder blades until finally those violet orbs sprung open to gaze up at me in surprise. There was a distant scuffle and a force blind sided me and knocked my to the cold tile floor. My natural instincts struggled against a pinning weight on my chest. It took a moment to register that a small Chinese man was holding me down the wrists, screaming for a medic.  
  
I ceased my thrashing and glared up at Wufei astounded by his actions. He returned my irate glare.  
  
"Yuy, what the hell do you think your doing?! Your going to kill him!" The small man spat.  
  
"No. No Wufei he's awake! Just go look his eyes are open! Look!"  
  
The medical staff responded quickly to the disturbance and the annoying nurse was already checking Duo's vital signs. Wufei snapped his gaze toward her and loosened his grip enough for me to slip free. I rushed to the bedside to find Duo Maxwell still slumber peacefully with his eyes shut tight. I can feel all the gazes in the room locked heavily on my hysterical form.  
  
"His eyes were open."  
  
Wufei pushes the nurse to the side and proceeds with his own assessment. I follow his onyx eyes to find them lock on miniature purple and yellow marks across Duo's shoulders and upper neck where my hands had been. Falling back into the cushioned chair, my head falls lifelessly to the floor.  
  
" He was awake."  
  
The doctors stare blankly at Duo, and then follow to Wufei, who consequently joins them in looking fiercely at me. The weight of their fuming gaze is enough to push me through the floor. My heart hangs down in my gut. I put those marks on him. I caused him more pain. How did I manage this? His eyes opened I swear it! I saw him look at me didn't I?  
  
"Mr. Yuy." One of the doctors speaks up and I raise my head slightly enough to see through my hair. " Mr. Maxwell is suffering from carbon dioxide poisoning. His nervous system is completely unresponsive, correct?"  
  
I nod. He turns to one of the staff that in turn hands him a syringe with a needle the length of my arm. I hope he doesn't expect to put that thing into Duo.  
  
"Mr. Yuy, we are going to take a sample of Mr. Maxwell's spinal fluid. Now this needle is going to have to be inserted into his back in order to with drawl the sample. If he is wake he will show some sign of discomfort correct?"  
  
My eyes must have budged out of my skull because the asshole looks far too amused. The hell is that sadistic bastard going to put that thing into Duo's back for any reason! Not while there is air in my lungs!  
  
"You bitch!" I bolt back up and rush toward the malicious doctor only to be restrained once again by Chang. The white coat's grin is extensively portraying his delight in my struggle. It makes me sick to my stomach and a growl bubbles up my throat. He signals the nurse to carry on with the procedure.  
  
Two medics flip Duo's resting boy onto his left side so that he's facing me. A disinfectant is prepared as I continue to fight with Chang's hold on my arms. In my current emotional state my physical strength is hindered and I am no match for the petite dragon. I focus solely on the slumbering Shinigami's face as the cruelly insert that needle into his backside.  
  
Not one movement. He doesn't flinch as the point pierces the skin and drills into the sensitive tissue. His nervous system isn't responding. He's still comatose.  
  
"This is preposterous! I saw him! His eyes were open!"  
  
The smug doctor hands the sample to another portly woman who injects it into a vile. He never takes his eyes off of me as he speaks. " Mr. Yuy, you are obviously suffering from delusion. If you insist on continuing your visit I am going to have recommend you take a sedative."  
  
"I will do no such thing! Check him again! He was awake!"  
  
I pull on Wufei's grip again with all the force I have left. I do not know if I finally won the struggle or if he just gave up, but in either case I broke free and threw myself on Duo's limp form.  
  
"Please Duo, show them! Wake up and tell them I'm not mad!"  
  
But he stirred not and continued to take small week breathes with the aid of a compressor. Oh the shame and the throbbing in my chest are overwhelming. They're all looking me again. I can feel the air shift as Wufei approaches to restrain me again. I will not be held back. I will not sit here and watch him suffer. With nowhere left to go, I make a dash for the door; sprinting with whatever energy I have remaining.  
  
No one calls after me or chases me down; I just run. I run out the main glass doors, down the street and in no particular direction.  
  
I cause him pain. I cause him suffering. I let him leave.  
  
I can't save him.  
  
//You're far beyond a visible sign of your awakening Failing miserably to rescue sleeping beauty//  
  
TBC .  
  
I would like to add that I am no doctor and have only seen a few episodes of "ER" so if for some reason something I describe in this story is medically inaccurate I apologize.  
  
Oh and don't worry about Woofers 'Avenged Suffering' I wouldn't hurt one of the boiz. He and Heero are just going to have a few . issues . mostly b/c of Heero being a bit out of it and paranoid .  
  
This isn't getting much better is it? Please review! Please? * cute look *  
  
Can't sleep, color-aid will eat me. (If you don't know what color-aid is, be thankful.) 


	4. Insomnia Day 3

Author's Note: For those of you who haven't figured it out yet; Heero is delusional. Wufei is not being evil and neither are the medics … it's all in our Hee-chan's head. 

Same Disclaimers and Warnings apply. 

' Thoughts or talking in mind'

"Spoken word" 

'Chapter 3 ~ Insomnia Day 3'
    
    _//Drunk on ego_
    
    _Truly thought I could make it right if I_
    
    _kissed you one more time to_
    
    _help you face the nightmare but you're_
    
    _far too poisoned for me_
    
    _such a fool to think that I could wake you from your slumber_
    
    _That I could actually heal you//_

My heart pounded furiously against my ribs as I finally allowed my knees to give way against the cool brick of a building side. I know not how far I've run or how late the hour has become. I only know it must be night for the muted colony lights create dusky shadows across the atmosphere. Usually my inner clock keeps faultless time, however the events of the past few days have my autopilot off kilter.

I must have looked like such a fool in that hospital room. Duo? Duo why didn't you open your eyes for me?  I know I'm being selfish, but isn't a man permitted one self-seeking appeal in his lifetime?  This must be some kind of cosmic retribution for all the innocent lives I affected during the war. I took from their lives those for whom they cared, and now it's my turn. One who disregards the existence of others doesn't deserve affection.

I feel so pathetic and worthless at this moment; sting an allay way of an industrial hellhole, surrounded by garbage and discarded cigarette butts. Why did I run from the one person who needs me most at this moment? 

" Because you're useless." 

There's that voice again! The one from the hospital room! For fear of being followed I reach discreetly for the gun tucked in the waist of my jeans.  

"I seriously recommend you do not do that." 

My hand freezes in place and I slowly raise my eyes to scan the ally way. I appear to be alone, however; my instincts suggest otherwise. 

"Show yourself!" I command, my body shaking in anger and frustration. My emotions are on high, I haven't slept in three days, and I am in no mood to be fucked with.

It laughs mockingly, "I am right here; and I am very much aware of your current emotional distress. I would offer my sympathies but I doubt it would do any good."

The voice resounds off the thick walls of the surrounding buildings; it sounds almost ominous, and I cannot determine its source. It instead echoes around me, wrapping my body in a shiver. In panic I turn to bolt but falter on a lingering paint can and plummet into a greasy puddle. Struggling to stand, I can hear it laughing at me again. I pause to gaze at my own reflection only to be astonished as it is grinning wildly back at me.

"So Soldier, this is what we've come to ne? Lying wet and exhausted in a sewer." 

My lips moved. That voice is coming from my mouth. I am talking to myself! 

"This is insane."

"Is it?"

"What the hell is the meaning of this? Who are you?"

It's laughing again, no I'm laughing. I am laughing at my own reflection. 

" I am Heero Yuy."

"That's ludicrous. I don't know what you are or where you came from but you'd better stop fucking with me right now!" 

I am on all fours in a puddle howling at my reflection. Duo, I expect I can't get any lower now ne? I have irrevocably lost my wits.

"My dear Soldier, haven't you figured it out yet? I am Heero Yuy, the psyche. Whereas you are merely a fabrication, I façade created through years of training that took control under the pretense of impending war. You are the Soldier I am the person. It is simple as that. As you are fatigued, I have emerged to be of assistance."

"The war ended. Why would the 'Solider,' as you put it, still be dominant?" 

"That's a question I have pondered over for quite a while, I have deduced that our anxiety over social exposure has left our automatic defense mechanism, i.e. you, in the drivers seat."

"In other words, my fear of emotional discomfort has suppressed my true self?"

"Ah yes, now you understand." 

My mirror image continues to smile slyly. I am not I, is that even possible? How can two beings exist in one body? This situation sounds like a dilemma for religious dogma and as I have no connection with any deity, I am at a loss as to what to do. The only divine body I have ever known belongs to one Duo Maxwell. Oh his body felt searing pressed against mine. Cold, wet, and kneeling in a pool of sludge; look at the perfect soldier now, utterly incapacitated and useless.   

A sizable pain is forming in the back of my skull and the will to continue this argument is diminishing. I am sick of gazing on a person I recognize as myself but in reality doesn't physically exist. I grab an empty soda can within reach and forcefully hurl it into the waiting pool. Throwing my head back I reach up and seize handfuls of my untidy locks and pull until I can feel the roots pinching as they release from the tender skin. I quiver uncontrollably and a shrill scream escapes my lips. My own unrecognizable cries echo around me; the stinging wetness behind my eyes trickles down my raw cheeks.  

He's doing this. The voice inside broke down the aqueducts and caused the tears to finally flow. For the first time in my existence raging passion descended from the cobalt orbs imbedded in my cranium. The cool air combined with the soaked clothing increased the shivering movements of my body. This pain, the stinging saltiness in my eyes, this is what it means to be alive. Quite frankly, it's almost laughable. Heero Yuy, learning how to repent. I can imagine how bizarre I look at this moment.    

"Let go Soldier, you are ill equipped to deal with this situation."

"No! No I will not relinquish control! You damaged Duo! You put those marks on his chest!"

" I did nothing of the sort. I would never lay a finger on Duo Maxwell… …. … I love him." 

Now that caused my movements to cease as I gazed blankly into nothingness. Love? Is a person like me even capable of knowing what such an emotion is? If one part of me loves him than I must as well, correct? Hell none of this holds any logic nor is it going to save Duo. Absurd, me save him when I let him leave and journey to his potential death; further more I ran away from him just now didn't I? I left him behind to suffer alone. 

"If you want to save him, turn off the defense apparatus, disable the autopilot and go back to his side. Take off the mask Heero, let me out." 

Something willed my aching legs to move and begin the trek back in the direction form whence I came. Passing eyes glared and gaped at my disheveled appearance. They must know how pathetic I have become. The tears continued regardless of my efforts to restrict their flow. The stinging in my eyes became more and more agonizing as I wandered on; it was like a wound that refused to allow a tunicate.  

'There is no shame in love Soldier, I wish you'd recognize the fact and let me free.'

"No."

No, I am not releasing whatever rests inside my chaotic mind until I am assured that my angel will endure. I cannot guarantee that 'he' is not a hazard to Duo. 

'Don't even trust yourself, Heero?'

"Hn."

This psyche of mine asks so many useless questions that I suppose 'he' must already have the answers to if 'he' is in fact 'me'. I could spend the rest of infinity speculating if I have at last achieved humanity or lunacy.  

' I was always here Soldier. Before you were created, I existed. I have witnessed every atrocity you have ever committed. I looked on as so many innocent lives were consumed in the blaze of your battle. I have been here for every waking and sleeping moment. I am the part of you that remembers what mother looks like. Wouldn't you like to be able to close your eyes and remember your mother? Wouldn't you like to be capable of weeping openly in the arms of your lover? I am the part of your soul that can give you that satisfaction.' 

" I don't believe you." 

I am freezing and still damp from my excursion in the puddle. All I want is to be dry and clean, but a Soldier can never be clean. I will wallow in the filth of my own bloody hell until the day I depart from this world.  

'There you go again. Oh angst, angst, angst! Is that all you ever plan to do? You think the Soldier has only suffered ne? Well I have had to wait and observe powerlessly your acts of destruction and violence against the human race; not to mention watching the man I love suffer without any control.'

I was beginning to noticeably stagger like a drunken fool along the path, bumping lifelessly into other pedestrians. All my energy focused on shutting down the relentless chatter beating at the walls of my skull. For the first time in my life I missed the sweet sound of silence. But moreover, I missed the sound of Duo's chatter. My top priority must be to watch over him. 

'Soldier, really exorcise some common sense. It's late, it's dark, and we're out wondering the streets with no real direction. I cannot relay on your shattered instincts at the moment.'

"I will stay by Duo's side. I wouldn't have run if you hadn't caused me to act like a mad man." 

'Don't blame me soldier boy. We both saw him move. Admittedly he responds to us, however thrashing him around like that isn't going to quicken his recovery. You're too rough under stress.' 

I paused briefly and fell panting against a nearby rail. This internal argument is taking quite a toll on my judgment but alas I have no means to end it. A quick glance at my surroundings brings the realization that I am not more than a block from the hospital. 

"I need to be there."

'It's not time to go back to him yet.'

"Give me one damn reason why I should take anything you say into consideration!?"

'Because my main concern is also Duo Maxwell's welfare, however we are useless to him in this condition! We have much to discuss before this night is over. Perhaps we'd better find someplace less public?' 

Frantically I glance around before taking notice of a hotel directly across the way from the medical facility. Arguments are proving futile and honestly my legs ache as if they are about to dislodge from the sockets. Before I could consciously decide my final course of action my extremities had begun to carry me toward the entrance. I have never paid out of pocket for a room, but I suppose there is a first time for everything. 

***

After presenting the cash to a burly man behind the counter I clutched my room key an ascended the winding staircase to the fifth floor room where I would spend the rest of the evening. The space was not altogether unpleasant, although obvious it had seen many inhabitants, all the necessities had been provided. A single bulb allowed faint artificial illumination to the small space, however it was hardly warm or comforting. I moved over to the large window overlooking the hospital and attempted to open the curtains. For some reason they wouldn't move.    

"Still afraid of the dark?"

"Shut up. If you're in my head, then you should already know. " 

My tone wavered as I spoke. I had completely lost the ability to maintain my composure and that irritating individual pushing at the doors of my mind was taking full advantage of my weakened state. 

Further examination revealed that the drapes had no rod, but had been tacked directly into the window frame. To open them would tare the fabric and leave me with the task of replacing them once the morning came. Defeated I found a comfortable spot on the full-sized bed in the center of the room and layback awaiting the others next move. 

A compact alarm clock sat on the night table ticking in tedium as the hours slipped by my mind oddly and silently idle. I cannot say weather what lays inside is providing me time alone with my own thoughts, or has been driven back into the hole from which it came. But silence, like the night, is unwelcome in my refuge. Both remind me of the losses I have and will suffer.    

I allowed my thoughts to wonder back and rest upon the moments I had shared but a few months earlier with a loud-mouthed and brash American boy. His dark amethyst orbs hunted my confused mind. Memory only amplified my uncertainty over my feelings for my braided companion. Life without him had been lonesome and frustrating; but did that constitute love? The deeper into thought I fell them more I realized that time to decide was running short. 

 The bed I lay on suddenly seemed unsatisfying. I missed Duo's comforting sent that lingered on the linens of my own bed. I soon found that I could not find rest and relaxation in the sparse hotel room. Thoughts became uncomforting and I focused my lazy gaze on the ceiling above, counting the lines in the plaster. 

The swinging bulb directly above the bed began to flicker slightly. Something in my throat jumped in dread. The wicked light fizzled and dimmed quickly leaving me alone in the blackness. The dark has many meanings for a Soldier. It holds all the nightmares and fears that I keep locked away within its grasp. It brings back the horrors of drifting for days on end in the black hole of space. The phantoms of victims move toward me in the dark calling out for revenge. For all the hate and malice I sought to end, I have created a private hell for myself brought on by night.   

 Panic stricken, I leapt from the bed and bolted for the window, however the memory that the curtains were unmovable stopped me from preceding any further. Fumbling through the dark, I began to frantically search the small room for a flashlight or candles, but none turned up. I ripped the drawers from their sockets hurling them in all directions seeking a mere match.

 The 'psyche' chuckled within the hollow walls of my mind and the aftershock caused my knees to give way as I clutched my throbbing ears.    

' There is no place for you to hide here, is there Perfect Soldier? The night flattens the plane of existence and opens up the floodgates to your inner most secrets. I know them all and have little interest in tormenting you with your crimes. However I had to endure them as well. I have spent years locked away in absolute darkness with no hope of finding light, and you who have been given the pleasure of basking in the ominous glow of the morning rays every day hid in the blackness? I will not allow you to play the suffering servant anymore!'

I lay on the rough carpet, struggling and moaning under a sharp pain like so many small pins in my sides. What sort of sadistic son of a bitch lived inside my mind? If this person is me and I am him, then I suppose the better question is what kind of sick son of a bitch am I? Who the hell am I and why am I fighting with myself in the dark? Duo's out there, outside that window; and I want to see him NOW.

'No use in fighting me Soldier, I love him and I will do what is necessary for his survival.'

" ……… …….. ……. I will do what is necessary …… ……. …"

My lips move in a small and hardly audible whisper. The pain slowly subsides as I use the bed as leverage to push to my feet. The darkness in the room holds me in its embrace and I do not fear it. The fear it inflicts pales in the fear of losing Duo. 

'I do not fear darkness. I have thrived in darkness for countless years and yearn for the light but do not fear the dark.' 

" ……….. ………… ……. I will not fear the dark ……. ……… ….."

'I will find the light Soldier. Mark my words, I will find the light.'

With all the strength that was left in my useless body, I rushed for the drapes and clawed until they ripped and tore under the strain. The dim light of the colony ' sun rise' penetrated the dark room. The dim light of the colony 'sun rise' entered the room. It illuminated the adjoining building and with much relief I fixed my eyes on the structure I knew I would find my salvation, all the while grinning like a madman. 

" …………. ……….. ………. I will love him."  

 //Sleeping beauty

_Poisoned and hopeless//_

TBC… … … 

What the hell did I just write? Grr! Ok internal struggle causes Heero to go skitzo. I dunno about this one folks! Let me know what you think and I'll try to fix this mess in the mean time!! For all those waiting on the love plot it's on its way! 

 ok so there's more to come!! Thank you sooo much to all my reviewers!! 

Special thanks to Elentari Endless my new beta, w/out her help this chapter wouldn't have gotten posted…

Oh and Lynne * waves hi* have to thank her too, even thought she probably won't like the way this turned out * ducks and hides*   


	5. Insomnia Day 4

Disclaimers and Warnings in first chapter... all still apply....   
  
'Chapter 4 ~ Insomnia day 4'  
  
  
//Far beyond a visible sign of your awakening  
failing miserably to find a way to comfort you  
  
Far beyond a visible sign of your awakening  
hiding from some poisoned memory//  
  
  
  
  
Damned if I know what came over me, but my body began a rebellion against my overwhelming desire to immediately leave the dingy hotel room. It began with a slight twinge of nausea and a burring sensation in the back of my throat that erupted into dry heaves that made me feel like a dragon about to spit fire. Luckily I managed to fight off the dizziness long enough to stumble into the latrine.   
The fits of vomiting vile stomach acid that tasted much like earwax and grapefruit quickly subsided and I leaned against the tile as the volume in my head suddenly got turned down. A white haze abstracted my vision and I fought the urge to pass out.   
  
I knew my body needed protein and liquids, fast. Three days spent neglecting my own health had finally caused my body to crash-land and burn. My jaw suddenly locked open again and I fumbled for the porcelain bowl, clinging to the cool latrine and holding it for dear life, just before a stream of yoke colored foam escaped my lips. I have never been sick a day in my life and no amount of training could have prepared me for the horrors of hardly being able to move, let alone being able to leave the bathroom.   
  
Once I felt that my stomach had removed all of its contents and had begun to settle, I cautiously made my way back into the main room, keeping one hand on the wall for leverage.   
Although the vomiting had ceased, my stomach and throat still burned as if I swallowed molten lava. The searing pain left me half buckled over and wincing as I moved.   
Removing the receiver from its cradle, I dialed room service and asked for a bottle of soy milk and a sports drink to be brought up. My voice sounded meek, it was a sign of fragility I was not accustomed to.   
  
After sipping the repulsively warm lemon flavored Gatorade (tm) I whiled away most of the afternoon, basking in the glow I welcomed into my hotel room. The ache in my body had somehow climbed up a ladder into my skull and was currently jack hammering on my brain.   
I forced my eyelids to stay open, knowing full well if I slipped into unconsciousness at this point, I'd be out for several days.   
  
Something about the way the light caused lanky shadows to dance and sway around the walls mesmerized me.   
I gazed across the way at the hospital where Duo now lay. The feeling of anticipation for seeing my Shinigami again coupled with the insistent pounding in my head caused time to move by slowly.   
  
Until my body became more cooperative, I had time to devise a plan to enter the hospital undetected. I would wait for night to return to the hospital; the staff would be limited and I would be able to climb to Duo's window through the fire escape. Hopefully Chang would be laying in the waiting room passed out, and I would be able to slip through the window unrevealed.   
  
I'm beginning to feel a twinge of guilt for my behavior toward Wufei yesterday; or was it the day before? I can't remember anymore.   
Time seems to be melting, days blending together, I haven't felt this out of touch since the days of J's training. Weeks of being locked in a dank cellar will cause a person to relay on internal time. At any rate, my hysteria at the hospital had been completely out of line. I will admit my jealously had been completely unwarranted. After all, he was simply attempting to comfort my slumbering love. I should have been thanking him for his caring and generosity.   
  
Time continued to slip by as my physical condition eased. The rumbling in my stomach indicated that it was prepared for solid food.   
Gathering myself from the spot on the floor where I'd collapsed a few hours prior, I surveyed the damage. The room looked like a wild pack of dogs had come barreling through. The draperies were shredded and thrown about the room; the dresser drawers were laying about in a disorderly fashion, at least two of them damaged beyond repair. The bathroom was another disaster entirely; bodily fluids had formed a puddle around the off white basin. The toilet paper had been rolled around on the floor like kitten had been chasing after it.   
  
All in all, I had created a nice little catastrophe that I had no desire what so ever to clean up.   
  
I flushed the toilet and washed out the sink before dousing my face with cold water. For the first time I gazed at the mirror and stumbled back in shock. Black bags had formed under my bloodshot eyes, causing them to appear more sunken; like that of a corpse. My skin had become so translucent I could trace the pale blue and purple lines around the curves of my face. I laughed quietly to myself; thank goodness Wufei isn't here to see me like this. He'd give me a customized lecture about nutrition and caring for ones self.   
  
My belly grumbled out again in protest and I wondered back into the bedroom to take one last swing of the now lukewarm chocolate soymilk. I'd stop at the deli for some wheat crackers before heading off to find Duo. One last look around the room brought me to conclusion that sometimes you have to pay for your mistakes; and for mine I was going to have to pay the portly man downstairs out of pocket.   
  
***  
  
Duo's room was around the back of the building and, still feeling slightly nauseated; I began a slow and labored assent up an unsteady and rusted staircase. A landing allowed me to slip just below the open window to Duo Maxwell's designated room.   
Surprisingly, two familiar voices conversed within. The first, of course, was Wufei; but the second, although familiar, didn't quite register.   
  
Being as cautious as possible not to attract attention, I peered into the room slightly to catch a glimpse of an older man in a pink Hawaiian shirt with a cast on his right arm. Howard must have come to check on Duo's progress.   
  
Suddenly a sharp pain in the base of my cranium caused me to buckle over in pain. I bit my tongue to keep a scream from escaping my lips and giving away my position. The voice in my mind had been absent for quite some time, but I had a sneaking suspicion that whatever pain I was in now, he had caused. The pain subsided and I alerted myself to the conversation at Duo's bedside.   
  
" ... Quatre called and he'll be here sometime early tomorrow. He's hoping they'll transfer him to the medical facility in Sanq for recovery."   
  
Wufei spoke in a concerned but clam tone, a good sign that Duo's condition hadn't worsened.  
  
" I can't thank you enough for this Mr. Chang. I dunno what I would have done if you hadn't stepped up and offered to take care of the hospital bills. Sweepers don't carry insurance. I mean you don't expect to come out alive from an accident like this."   
  
" The Perventors will be more than happy to cover any of Maxwell's medical expenses. The organization does owe him a debt of gratitude for his role in the wars. It's honestly the least we could do."  
  
I could hear sounds of shifting chairs as another person entered the room.   
  
" Gentlemen, I need to check his vitals, if you don't mind stepping out for a while ..."  
  
The nurse. Damn it.  
  
" Well I should be off anyway, the ships under heavy repair and I need to get back and help the boys. I'll call you in the morning to check on the rascal."   
  
Wufei gave a silent nod, I can read the bastard like a book, and his footsteps carried him out of the room. Howard hesitated by the bedside.   
  
" You'll be fine kid. We're all waiting for ya back at the hanger. Just get better, ok?"   
  
His path slowly followed Wufei's, which left that irrational nurse alone in the room with Duo.   
  
I held my breath listening carefully to her movements as she hummed a poppy tune to herself, checking on Duo's progress. My heart leapt when she moved towards the window and closed it just slightly. Each second passed as if an eternity and finally the woman finished her work and replaced the chart on the door as she left.   
  
Waiting a few moments to be assured of everyone's absence, I glimpsed into the room and found it empty with the exception of it's still resting occupant. Always careful not to make a sound, I slid the window open and stepped in slowly.   
  
The first thing that caught my attention was the absence of the ventilator; meaning Duo had recovered enough to breathe on his own. Thankfully the door had been left ajar only somewhat; a passerby would not have a full view of Duo's bedside.   
  
I pulled over a chair and slipped lifelessly into it. Quite frankly, he looked healthier than me. His skin had regained some of its natural golden hue and his lips didn't seem nearly as blue. Relief swept over my entire body and I leaned toward the bed to scoop one of his fragile hands in my own. The small blue-black marks around his collar-bone peeked out from under the paper-thin hospital robe and I winced. The evidence of my hysteria glaring me in the face caused my stomach to churn again. A razor-sharp throbbing hit my temple again causing me to release a muffled groan. I dropped Duo's hand like stone and fell back into the chair, covering my face. When I removed my hands they were wet from the tears.   
  
Feelings of regret welled and swirled in my still slightly unsettled stomach. Unable to build a dam for the overflowing waters, I threw my useless form upon his frail chest and writhed my fists in the course linens.   
  
"See, Duo? You've reduced me to a blubbering fool."   
  
No response from the sleeping angel, although I truly expected none. Looking up at him: even in his current state he looked like a vision sent from the heavens. Even with the pain, I don't want this moment to end. I may never have the opportunity to be this close to him again. I want to spend every night like this, resting on his well-muscled form, listening to his rhythmic heartbeat.   
  
"Duo I swear when you wake up I'll take you back home. I'll make things right ... somehow."   
  
Kami, even if he never returns my affections and holds me in the warm embrace of my dreams, at least he'll be alive. At least he'll still come home at 3am and regal me with tales of Terry the gothic, fire spitting bartender. At least he'll still lay around the house all day in his boxer shorts on Sundays and laugh at me for doing paperwork on a day off; then threaten to throw my laptop out the window. At least he'll still be Duo.   
  
" The first Saturday you're well we'll go to the zoo and see the penguins like you always begged me to... and then we can go to that tavern you always rave about and you can introduce me to that girl you say reminds you of me. The one who sits in the corner brooding all the time?" I couldn't help but chuckle through my tears, " I bet you thought I wasn't listening all those nights you came home late and ranted on and on about your day, but I was Duo. I could listen to you ramble on for the rest of my life."   
  
I gazed at him through watery eyes for a few moments before taking his hand again and placing light kisses on each finger. I was rewarded by a sudden shift in the placement of his head. I could feel him shudder slightly. Whatever dream currently held him, it wasn't a pleasant one. I reached into the waistband on my jeans and removed the 9mm. I placed on the bed with in the reach of my right hand and tangled some of the silken chestnut strands in my left.   
  
" Shhh. Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere this time. I'll be here to keep you safe, I swear on my life."   
  
I nestled into the curve of his stomach and my eyelids began to drop, the days of tension finally catching up to me. In the secure confines of Duo's embrace, sleep came to take me away.   
  
Hopefully it would carry me to where Duo was...   
  
  
  
  
  
//Poisoned and hopeless  
Sleeping beauty//  
  
TBC... ... 


	6. Crimson Coma

Same ole' Disclaimers… if you forgot, look at the Prologue

Ahem…. … … **I'm rating this chapter alone "R"** for the simple fact that it contains some disturbing events.. … … I'll make it so you can skip this chapter and still understand chapter 6 … …. … if you think you don't want to read it… …. I'll hold nothing against you if you don't … …. …. But you have been warned 

I think it's just fine but have to be careful around here… again… fic is PG-13, this chapter rated R as a precaution 

This chapter is entirely a dream sequence!!!!!!! 

"Chapter 5 ~ Crimson Coma"

A succession of shrill screams and gunshots drew me back from the peace of dreamless slumber. I reached for the waistband of my jeans where my gun should be positioned only to find the 9mm missing. Furthermore my surrounds seemed unfamiliar. I glanced down at my hands to discover no trace of the calluses I'd earned from piloting, they had become petite and childlike. 

Another shot rang out through the darkness and the world around me dissolved into a small room. I instantly recognized a tall man standing with a readily aimed gun at a stout woman cowering in the corner. 

Odin Lowe, a resourceful hired assassin and my long dead guardian, towered stories above me. [1] 

"Do whatever you want me, just please don't hurt my child!" The woman called out in a fanatic voice. 

Odin smirked, " Why does everyone always say that? Trust me lady, I'm only doing my job."

The woman struggled to stand and moved into toward Odin, the light accentuating her Asian features. The realization dawned on me that I was gazing upon the face of my departed mother. Something inside my chest clenched in fear of the events I knew were about to transpire. Fire raged through my limbs and every instinct began to push me forward to protect my parent. However some otherworldly force held my feet locked to the floor. I had never known the woman before me, but the mixture of love and pain in her eyes, backed by determination, twisted my heart with empathy.     

Tears streamed down my cheeks and I attempted to cry out, but the only sound my lips produced was that of an incoherent child's whimper. Here I stand, before my mentor and a woman with the strength of a soldier, helpless. I know she's fighting a loosing battle and every bone in my child-like body screams for her to turn and run. I want to protect her. She is my mother after all. 

" You can get your job done, only after you promise me my son will live."         

Odin grimaced at her sudden belligerence, and lowered his aim. She stood inches from him, poised with hands planted firmly on her slender hips and eyes intently locked on his. 

So that's where I get my glare. 

" I will haunt you for the rest of your existence if you so much as touch a hair on his head. Promise me." 

Baffled by the situation, Odin turned in my direction and eyed me curiously. Part of me was reprimanding him for hesitating, another part was screaming for my mother's sake. Torn, my feet glued to the floor, I could only watch helplessly as the man that would become my only father figure raised the barrel of his gun to my biological mother's temple. 

"Promise me." She requested, her voice hardly audible and stricken with grief. It was amazing how she still sounded threatening, her body seeming so fragile.   

Running out of time, Odin let out a defeated sigh; " You'll owe me in the next life sister." 

The pistol discharged with a resounding 'bang' and I winced as my mother fell lifelessly onto the beige carpeting that quickly stained crimson. 

Tears began streaming down my cheeks and fell upon the protruding bloodstain. Sirens wailed off in the distance and the smell of sulfur filled the air. Odin moved over and offered me a hand. 

" Come on kid, I'm a man of my word." 

But something inside just wouldn't reach out for him, instead I stumbled back and the floor seemed to give way. I began to fall into a vast chasm that appeared from nowhere. 

Instinctively, I attempted to brace myself against the murkiness that I fell into helplessly. Laughter swarms around and echoes mockingly in my ears as I descend. My body panics and I tumble over an over as my legs search for solid ground. My heart races with the speed of a mustang and a cold sweat covers my skin. I must be dreaming but everything seems existent; even the blackness seems tangible. I reach out for something to grasp on to; but as substantial as the darkness is, there is nothing to latch onto. Fear rocked my body, causing it to shake uncontrollably. In an attempt to clam myself, I forced my eyes closed as a wind beat against my face; I was moribund into the night below.  

*** 

" Gundam zero- one; target confirmed!" 

That smell … …. … gun powder?

" Heero watch your ass!"

Duo!

I open my eyes to gaze at Wing's vid screen with a com link open. Panicked violet eyes are glaring at me intensely. Duo appeared alive and healthy, although he had a gash across his temple and seemed engulfed in the heat of battle. Inwardly, I let out a sigh of relief.  Mechanically my hands firmly gripped on the controls, but my reaction came too late. 

 A blast rocked the flight deck and sent my body flying free of the pilots harness and limply I hit the dash. The interior lights flickered. Duo's voice continued to crackle over the link.

" Heero what the hell are you doing? What's your status?" 

A dull ache spread over my midsection as I pried my flaccid body off the flashing control panel. The gunpowder smell, it's all over my clothes. The darkness surrounding me as I fell has been transformed into a space battlefield.   I've lived through this before; I remember this battle from the first war. None of this is real; I'm having some kind of flashback.

" Heero respond! You've got two mobile dolls coming in six o' clock high. WAKE UP!" 

Slowly a sly smile works its way across my lips as Duo's image reappears through the static. Flashback or no; may this nightmare never end as long as I can gaze into those eyes. 

" Damn it Heero! What the hell are you smiling about? We've got company! Damage report!" 

Another, weaker hit knocks me from the left side and causes my gundam to lose thrusters. I unresponsively continue to gaze at his wavering image over the com. 

Kami, he looks so worried. I don't know how I missed the pain in his eyes back then. Now, I see straight through his battle mask down into the fragile boy from L2 who is frantic over the thought of loosing his comrade. 

It's touching really.

He turns to deal with a few stray Leos, all the while my eyes wide, watching the screen.  Vociferously singing along to the radio in his cockpit the entire time, Shinigami makes short work of the pests. They are only insects to my god. 

" I've missed your voice." I mumble out huskily and receive a completely dumbfounded look.

"WHAT??!! Heero what's wrong with – ?"

A second link opens on the vid screen. 

"Maxwell!" Wufei hollers; he's currently conducting aggressive negotiations with an entourage of mobile dolls. " Pay attention! You've got a beam cannon locked on your reactor!" 

Duo's violet orbs cloud with panic. 

"SHIT!!!" 

Realizing that regardless of the fabrication of this situation, Duo is in critical danger. 

I turn my attention to the control panel and work on restoring propulsion, the thrusters whine and scoff as the engine fights my every attempt. 

God damn it! 

This sort of situation is precisely one of the reasons why I installed those wings on Wing Zero during the second war. Yes they allow glide on planetary re-entry but they are also flexible enough to provide movement without the damn thrusters! 

Finally, I manage to transfer enough power from the shield to get the engine moving and my buster rifle into range of the Leo currently riding Duo's ass.  

With Deathscythe's short-range weaponry, Duo is essentially left with only two options; lunge at the offending Taurus with the beam scythe, or run away. 

Surprisingly, he's chosen the latter. 

"DUO! STATUS!" I call over the com. 

" I can't transfer enough power to the scythe without loosing propulsion! Shields down! The jammers are dead and I'm running out of time over here buddy!" 

Fucking hell, how does he get into this much trouble! For a damn good mechanic his machinery sure fails a lot. 

Shit. Shit. Shit. 

Target confirmed. _Tick, tock …_

Coming into range. _Tick, tock, follow the clock…_

Buster rifle charging.  _Time ticks away slowly, ne?_

23%

47% 

" Yuy! If you're gonna do something do it fast!" I heard Wufei scream over the ticking sound in my head.

62 % 

Target in range. _Then again, doesn't time fly when you're having fun?_

73 % 

"HEERO!" 

Shit, that damned Taurus is gonna fire and Duo's headed straight for a line of mobile dolls! I'm out of time! 

Target locked. _Maybe time flies a bit too fast to catch …_

Wing's rifle fires on the offending Taurus… ten seconds too late.  

I reach out for the screen, screaming Shinigami's name hoarsely as the image of my petite braided love vanishes...   

An all-encompassing white light spreads across the battlefield as Deathscythe's nuclear reactor explodes. There's no place left to run, and my eyelids drop shut over the flooding tears. "Gomen nasi, Duo-kun." 

 ***

I return to consciousness and find myself floating amongst the wreckage of Wing, Deathscythe, and many Oz mobile suits. Surprisingly, I appear to have no physical injuries. Even more to my shock, I realize I am not wearing a space suit, yet breathing normally even without oxygen.  

The backdrop gradually began to transform from the battlefield of war. The stars draw together at center point and gave off a radiating luminosity. The darkness of space solidifies into a floor and I find myself standing in owe of the brightness as a figure emerges.  

" I knew you'd fail." 

Gravity restored, I falter backward slightly.  The slender form continues to approach until his glowing Prussian blue eyes come into view.   

" You couldn't protect him. I knew I couldn't trust you. "

The light behind him melds away and slowly water begins to flood over the ground. A low moan echoes from behind the ' other' one and my eyes come to rest on Duo's limp body naked in the ever-expanding puddle. Intuitively, I burst into a run brushing past my other self and falling to the floor where Duo lays. 

His blood exits the large gashes across his mid-section and mixes quickly with the ever-rising water level. The sight sends a wave of numbness over my body but my heart aches with grief. I take his wilted form into my arms and burry my hands in his long wet locks. 

Eyes closed. 

No voice. 

No heart beat. 

Lifeless. 

My Duo lies dead in my arms. 

That bastard will pay for this. 

I turn back toward the object of my aggression.

"Soldier! Why did you do this?!" 

He smirks. A familiar smile wines it way across his lips. "I didn't touch him! I trusted his welfare to you! You let him die!" 

" I did no such thing!" 

" Then why didn't you fire?" 

"I didn't have the chance!"

"Failure! You couldn't protect him because you hesitated! I was a fool to listen to you!"

I only hold his lame form closer as the other's words shoot daggers into my already aching heart. 

"There won't be another war." I choke " He won't need me to protect him like that."

"How do you know? Humans can be pathetic creatures who disrupt harmony out of pure bloodlust. If the situation arises, could you kill him? To defend peace could you kill him?"

The light catches a sleek sliver object lying below the waterline. My gun. I reach for it with my right hand still clutching Duo with my left. 

" He's already dead. Shoot him." 

My eyes widen in absolute shock as I lock my gaze with my parallel representation. I'm attempting to fathom how this sadistic person had become part of me. Could I have ever been so cruel or callas? Is this man truly the Heero Yuy my comrades had known?    

"What good would that do? I thought you said you loved him! WHY DO YOU WANT TO SEE HIM DEAD?!!!!" 

My hysteria drives up the rage in him and he approaches my useless boy which sits huddle with my love's corpse in the icy stream.

"Lets make one thing clear. I love him with all of my soul; however, if he were to compromise the mission then I would have to remove him like any other obstacle." 

"Stop talking like that! He's not an object you remove, he's a person!" 

"In times of war –"

" Damn it there is no war!"

The water level had risen to cover most of my body and it was becoming difficult to keep Duo's head above water. His icy stare weighed me down as if to drown me and end my existence. 

" We are one person, damn you soldier! You cannot kill me without killing yourself!" 

He arched an eyebrow, " Fine, kill me."

He must be joking.

"You have the gun, what are you waiting for?"  He opens up his arms in a welcoming gesture. My eyes rake over his strong body as I internally question his motives. His form is a mirror of mine in every way.  I notice something along his right arm that causes me to stare dumbfounded. The scar I acquired from the self-destruction of Wing.  Suddenly, I appreciate the extent of our connection. We are more than just two people in the same mind. What damage is inflicted on one must also be inflicted upon the other.

" I will put a stop to this madness." I assure him and bend to whisper in Duo's ear, "I will never leave you; I love you with all my heart."           

Before my eyes, the blood in the water underwent a metamorphosis in tiny rose petals. [2] They dance around the resting Shinigami and brush against his soft skin, entangling in his auburn hair. Even in death hid beauty cannot be surpassed. The blood-red petals complement the deep red undertones of his locks, causing his delicate complexion to appear even more porcelain. Blood no longer runs from the deep wounds; instead the gashes close magically and the last few droops of crimson liquid turn to blossoms.    

I release Duo's body into the stagnate water and raise the 9mm to my temple. His eyes widen I horror as he realizes I've discovered the solution. 

" Goodbye, Pilot 01." [3] 

TBC … … … 

[1] For those of you who haven't read Episode Zero, Odin Lowe assassinated the diplomatic leader Heero Yuy on April 7 AC. 175. I BELIEVE from what I've read online that also killed Heero's parents ( if I'm wrong flame my ass later) anyways, he adopted Heero at some point in early childhood and gave Heero that ' follow your emotions' line that he gives to Trowa in the anime… … …  

[2] Umm can anyone say 'utena movie?' * sweat drop  * 

[3] CLAM DOWN!! NO ONE'S DEAD!! Sheesh 

A/N: ok so now were getting somewhere… next chapter "Fight the Dragon," I promise no Wufei's will be harmed…. 

As far as that battle scene, I pulled it outta my bum… didn't feel like re-watching all of GW just to pick one…kinda unrealistic I know, I made waaaay too much of that up…..i'm a lover not a fighter   

And for all those frightened, schitzo Heero is gone now… … … … 

**So if you read it, review it! **

Thanks again to my reviewers! Love you all! * hugs * 


	7. Fight the Dragon

Same sh** different day… still own nothing…. 

A/N: thank you to everyone who has stuck-out this insane story!!! I'm almost done I think…. …I'm aiming for 10 chapters, possibly an epilogue… so we're halfway there!  

*********

(Dream Sequence)

I release Duo's body into the stagnate water and raise the 9mm to my temple. The Soldier's eyes widen I horror as he realizes I've discovered the solution. 

" Goodbye, Pilot 01."  

TBC …. …. 

"Chapter 6 ~ Fight the Dragon"

I could no longer feel the weight of the gun in my hand; the dream had ended. Lazily, I attempted to focus my eyes against the blaring white light above. Honestly, I had expected to see angels or golden gates or perhaps fire and brimstone, however neither came. Lying motionless, I waited for the divine hands to finally reach down and take my soul to meet my love again. The minutes continued to pass and slowly I came to realize exactly where I lay.  Restraints covered both my wrists, impounding my body to the abrasive hospital bed. I tested the effectiveness of each leather cuff, coming to the decision that they would be simple to remove. 

As I stirred, another presence in the room made himself known. Wufei sat on the windowsill gazing out into the sunrise. 

"Are you finally awake?" He inquired, raising an eyebrow. 

My response was more of a pathetic groan then a coherent sentence. I watched the corners of hips mouth rise up into a smirk as he moved from his perch to my bedside. The closer his proximity, the more obvious the heavy navy circles under his almond eyes became. Always a true friend, he must have been watching over me as I fought through nightmares. But then how long was I unconscious, and where is Duo? 

"Chang, where is -- ?

The intense force of the small Chinese man's fist making contact with my jaw cut me off, striking me by surprise. A small steam of blood trickled down my chin onto the pure white sheets. I could do nothing but gaze up at him in shock, the rage surfacing on his pale face. 

"What the hell did you think you were doing with that gun, Yuy?"   

My eyes must have been wide as saucers; however, Wufei's expression never wavered. He stood solemn; arms cross, awaiting some reply. I merely groaned and attempted to writhe free of the restraints. He moved quickly to grasp my arms and bared down on me until his nose was inches from mine. His voice slithered out in a low growl. 

" When I found you three days ago you were sitting in a chair next to Duo with a gun to your head. Prior to that, you practically attacked Duo in his sleep. Please tell me there is a perfectly logical explanation for your erratic behavior the past week?" 

Three days? Had I really been trapped in that nightmare that long?  How am I supposed to explain everything to Wufei without him doubting my sanity? Well, from the look of things, he already does. 

I looked fiercely back into his dark onyx depths but found my usual glare to be completely ineffective, probably due to the lack of emotional intensity behind it. I have no desire to stare down my co-worker, I only want to know the complete events of my dream came to life; I want to be sure Duo still lives. 

I inhale deeply and give Chang Wufei the only answer that can possibly encompass the events of this past week. " I was having a nightmare." 

Keeping a firm grip on my arms, he draws back sharply and narrows his gaze. " I would expect _you_ of all people to understand that this is not the time for humor, Heero." 

" Does it look like I'm amused?" I spit back, frustrated and tugging on the restraints. "Why am I tied down? More importantly, where is Duo?" 

He continues to gaze at me in confusion for a moment, the releases the vice grip on my arms. Moving silently over to a chair positioned in the corner and slumping into it's curves, relaxing his stressed muscles, and massaging his wrinkled temple, all the while keeping his eyes intently on me.  

Sleep keeps trying to reclaim me; my eye's heavily lidded. A heavy white haze still swirls at the edges of my vision. I struggle to focus on Wufei's sprawled body across the room. 

"Wufei, what the hell is going on?" 

I mean for the statement to sound demanding, but instead my weak and horse voice makes my sound like a whining, pleading child, asking for candy. 

He's slightly hesitant to speak, opening his mouth abruptly and then slowly allowing his jaw to drift back to his upper lip. He reminds me of a sleeping goldfish. He slowly digests the thoughts again before clearing his throat and beginning the explanation. 

" Three days ago I entered Duo's room to find you sitting, eyes closed, with a gun to your temple, mumbling something to yourself that sounded quite like 'goodbye'.  In a panic, I attempted to disarm you and realized you were unconscious. The orderlies herd the scuffle and security ordered that you be restrained, under the presumption that you were a danger to yourself. … …. …."

"I wonder what the hell gave them that idea…." I murmured sarcastically to myself. Chang simply shot me an annoyed glace before continuing on. 

"…. Duo is still unconscious; although the doctors assure us he's making progress. He developed a high fever a few hours after your little stunt. The doctors ran a blood test and found a bacterial infection. He most likely contracted it because of the weakened state of his immune system. He's been on antibiotics and his fever decreased rather rapidly. The doctors say he's stable, but he hasn't shown any sign of awakening."

The last sentence hit me with a mixture of emotions. Despite a few difficulties, Duo still lived and slept peacefully. The relief formed into a deep chuckle in the pit of my stomach that lightly bubbled up through my lips. My laughter was quickly accompanied by moisture forming at the corners of my eyes. The tears trickled down and mixed with the small drops of blood still seeping from my freshly split lip. Wufei stared on, eyes wide as saucers. 

"Why?" I ask through the laughter and tears. 

"Why what, Heero?" 

"Why didn't you stay with him? Someone should be by his side incase he wakes up." 

He adjusts his position, moving in the chair so that his elbows are resting on his knees and his face hides in his hands, loose strands of slick dark hair falling gently to further conceal his expression. 

"Quatre's in there now… …. …. Preparing him for transport." 

Transport? What the fuck? Where do they think they're taking him?! Wufei glanced up and seemed to recognize the heated question written all over my face. 

"Heero, Duo's condition is stable. L7 lacks the facilities to properly care for a pashient in his condition. Quatre has generously arranged for him to be transferred to a hospital on earth that has an excellent tract record in dealing with brain injuries. Better treatment will be made available to him there." 

"When are they leaving?" 

Wufei stood and breathed a heavy sigh. " With in the hour." 

I gawked at the massive pallid ceiling above attempting to properly grasp his words. Here I lay, incapacitated against my will with Duo shortly departing. The hell am I going to stand for this! 

Rotating my left wrist just so, I dislocated the joint and began to slip free. Wufei jumped from his seat and rushed to pin me down once again. 

"What the fuck do you think you're doing now?!" 

"I'm going with him, Chang!" I spat back, struggling against him. A sting ran up my right arm as the IV needle that I hadn't noticed before ripped free.    

"If you don't pull yourself together the only place you'll be going is a white padded room!" 

I ceased to struggle and rolled my head to the side, panting. 

"Heero, incase you haven't noticed you're in the psychiatric ward listed as an attempted suicide! If you fail to cooperate, they will have you committed!"  

"I can easily escape!" 

"Running away will only worsen the situation! No doctor is going to allow you near Duo in your current state, nor will I! Furthermore, your job as a Preventer will be put into jeopardy!"   

"Well the fuck do you expect me to do?!" 

Even I wasn't prepared for the desperation in my voice. My eyes pleadingly locked on his as I spoke. 

" You once ask me 'How many times would you have to kill the little girl and her puppy?' and I still do not have a suitable answer. However, I think the question needs to be 'How many times must you kill yourself before you realize how important you are?'."

I turned to face him once again and he pulled back and headed for the door. 

"Heero, a social worker will be stopping by this afternoon to assess your mental state. If you convince the person you are not a danger to yourself or others, then you will be released once your insurance information finishes processing. If you can't, then be prepared to spend a great deal of time sedated. I suggest you find an answer before then."  

Chang Wufei turned and smugly proceeded into the hall. Leaving me with my thoughts.   

TBC … …. … 

Next chapter "Chapter 7 ~ Thorn in my Side" …. Heero vs. The Shrink  

Review. Review.  Review.  Review.   Review.   Review.   Review.  Review.   Review.  Review.    Review.   Review.     Review.  Review.   Review.     Review.    Review.    Review.   Review.   Review.   Review.   Review.   Review.   

Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?


	8. Thorn in My side

Same ole' Disclaimers

A/N: Sorry that last chapter was so short guys. Before I wrote this I had lots and lots of sugar!!! So if Heero seems OOC, that's one of the things to blame, the other thing is he's a new Heero now. We got rid of Mr. Stoic!!! ( kinda )Thanks again to all my reviewers!! 

"Chapter 7 ~ Thorn in My side" 

Minutes slowly turned into hours and I was left tied down to the hideously uncomfortable bed, waiting. 

Shortly after Wufei's departure, a tall slender man in green scrubs came to re-place the torn IV. He must have been an intern for the bumbling idiot kept missing the vein; in the end I had to help. Unfortunately, the burning sensation in my arm took a good deal of time to subside. So, I allowed my thoughts to drift, blocking out the soreness. However, I wasn't allowed to wander far.  

Nervousness consumed my mind. I had no clue how much time passed or if Duo and I were still on the same colony. Furthermore, I was soon to be faced with the task of convincing a complete stranger that I was not a danger to others or myself. My history as a trained killing machine would make convincing even myself difficult. I became even more rattled when a thickset man in a navy blue uniform entered my room and made himself comfortable. He kept peering over his newspaper, glaring at me as if he was waiting for me to change into a lizard and scurry away. I did my best to ignore the new intruder and focus my thoughts on getting myself out of this damned bed. 

Wufei's last words continued to plague my mind. Am I truly that important to this world? My logical mind responded affirmatively. Yes, I am a vital part to society. I fought to achieve peace and following the victory, I assumed a position that allowed me a non-violent approach to preserving that peace. My job with the Preventers is vital to tracking down and exposing possible terrorists, even if it is just a desk job. Frankly, I do society a great service, but what about my personal relations? I had made no attempt to contact any of my former co-pilots after the wars' end. Occupying a residence with Duo had been the extent of my social interaction to date. Kami-sama, I must be the dullest person in existence! 

For the first time, a truly depressing thought accorded to me: I care for Duo Maxwell more than I care for myself, but have I done anything to earn his affections? How do I even know he's gay? Well, he did mention a few choice guys in his 3am rants about clubbing. How do I know _I'm gay?!  I'm a freaking seventeen-year-old virgin! My experience with the opposite sex has been limited saving Relena's life on occasion and handing off assignments to co-workers! What if I just haven't met the right female yet? What if Duo was female? Oh, now this is getting absurd! I love Duo Maxwell as the well toned, soft and exotic man he is: including the flat chest and hairy legs. Why the hell am I thinking about this now? I need a distraction. I have to be clam and collected when that social worker gets here. _

The sound of irregular heavy breathing caught my attention. It seems my guest has fallen asleep, drifting peacefully with the newspaper folded across his torso. I couldn't help but smirk; apparently I'm not all that interesting to observe. Three days of rest have left me anxious and the restrains are becoming more uncomfortable with each passing minute. 

With my new friend the security guard sleeping soundly, I quietly slip free of the restraints with ease. My muscles still stiff, I gradually arise rubbing my aching wrists. 

"Don't worry Chang," I mutter, " I have no intention of going anywhere."

"Well that's awfully considerate of you, Mr. Yuy." A distinctly feminine voice behind me declares.   

I whip around defensively to find a young woman in a white lab coat leaning against the doorframe and smiling at me, seemingly amused. She walks over to the napping security guard, her shoulder length red hair bouncing lively with her movements. She pats him on the head before leaning over and screaming in his ear, "YO! TONY! HOW'S IT GOING?" 

'Tony' awakes with a start, fumbling with his newspaper and practically falling into a heap on the floor. I couldn't help myself, I laughed. Of course that proved a horrible mistake, after all, I was supposed to be restrained. 

The jolted security guard snarls in my direction and then averts his gaze to glare at the red-haired woman. 

"Damn You Bergar! [1] The kid's supposed to stay controlled until after the evaluation! I could lose my job over this!" 

 She stays composed and plants her hands firmly on her hips, staring down at him with a sly smile. 

"Well, if you're so concerned about your job, perhaps you'd better work on staying awake while you're on duty." 

Her wit only deepened his scowl and he quickly gathered his newspaper and stomped out the door. She quickly turned to blow him a kiss as he stomped off.  I could only hope all the doctors were this interesting.   

I flopped back down on the unbearably stiff mattress and prepared to be poked and prodded. However, the strange woman only pulled over a chair and sat by the bedside scribbling something on a manila folder. We sat in complete silence for a few moments before I grew frustrated and turned over to gaze up at her, agitated. 

"Well?"

She pulled a set of wire rimed round glasses down to the tip of her nose and peered over the frames. 

" Well what?"

Her lack of response only severed to aggravate me further.

"Aren't you going to check my pulse? Search me over for self-inflicted wounds? Take my temperature?" 

A toothy grin made it's way across her rounded face. " That's not my job Mr. Yuy." 

"Well then what the hell are you doing in here?!" 

She slid her glasses back up her nose using her index finger. 

"Mr. Yuy, my name is Julia Bergar, I'm the staff psychologist here." 

All I could do was stare at her, astounded. _This was the person who was going to declare me mentally fit? Aside from the white coat she looked like your average prostitute! Long very overly dyed red hair, caked on make-up, a neckline that went so far south I could see her tropics, and a glint of mischief in her eyes that resembled a four-year-old about to sneak a cookie! Might as well lock me up and throw away the key. _

Clearing her throat, she began to speak again. "Mr. Yuy, I would first of all like you to understand that I am here for your benefit. Everything you say to me will remain completely confidential. I am not here to judge." 

"Just to decide weather or not I'm fit for society." I scowled. Needless to say I am not comfortable with this situation at all! 

"Only you can decide the direction of your life young man. I am here as an aid. But I'm afraid you have me at a rather large disadvantage. You see, other than your employer's physical we can't seem to find any medical records, or for that matter, _any _record of your existence."

I shifted an eyebrow curiously, " So you're saying I don't exist?"     

She chuckled " Well obviously you exist, Mr. Yuy. I'm afraid you're just going to have to fill in the blanks for me so that I can make a proper diagnoses."

She reaches into the manila folder and pulls out a thick set of forms. 

"Now, Mr. Yuy, you are currently employed by the Preventers, correct?" 

I nod. 

"…and you receive insurance benefits through them?"

"Yes, if you talk to my co-worker, Chang Wufei, I'm sure he can notify you as to who to contact to clear up that information."

"Okay, good. Now does your family have any prior history of mental illness?" 

Oh great. Now how am I supposed to answer that? " I'm afraid I don't know." 

"Well, maybe we can try and look up your family's medical history in the database. What is your mother's maiden name?" 

Once again, "I do not know." 

 "Well, then do you know her date of birth?" 

"No." 

"Do you have any relatives we might be able to contact?" 

"No." 

Her scribbling halts and she lifts her head to gaze at me, irritated. "Mr. Yuy, what kind of relationship would you say you have with your family?" 

My family? The closest I've ever had to family are my fellow ex-pilots. "We've had difficulty keeping in touch."

"I see. Do they know the circumstances by which you are here?" 

"To my understanding, yes." 

"Oookay. That's enough of that. Now I need to know a bit more about you. It says here you are seventeen years old?" 

"That's correct." 

"Alright, and your date of birth?" 

"I do not know." 

She stopped writing again and her left eyebrow began to twitch. "Listen, Mr. Yuy, I get paid by the hour. If you're trying to be rid of me by being uncooperative, it will not benefit you. Now, date of birth please?"

"I told you, I do not know." 

The psychologist removed her glasses and let them drop down below her breasts, dangling from one of those little black strings. "Perhaps I should come back when you're feeling more like cooperating." 

She rose and headed for the door. Something inside me screamed. The longer I had to sit in this sterile little room, the further from Duo I would become. I scurried frantically and grabbed the end of her lab coat. "Wait." She halted and I let out a long pathetic sigh. "I honestly do not know my date of birth, but I do know I was born on L1. Will that be enough?" 

The tall redhead stared into my eyes for what seemed like an eternity. She must have discovered the honestly there, because she smiled. "I think we have a lot to talk about Mr. Yuy."

I nodded and slumped back down on the bed, if I ever wanted to get out of here, then it was time to confess. "I never knew my biological family. I do not know the name given to me at birth, or when I was born. I only know the family I have now, which consist of comrades from the war, one of which is comatose and being moved to Earth as we speak. All I want is to follow him." 

Holding in my breath, I waited. I could only pray that she would accept my explanation. 

"You're talking about Duo Maxwell?" 

My head shot up. She knew about Duo?! "How did you--?" 

"My brother is a chief physician here, your friend has been taking quite a nap. He gave the whole hospital one hell of a scare when he came in last week." 

Returning to her chair, she flipped the manila folder open again and placed the pencil behind her ear. "Perhaps we'd better just ignore these forms and talk."

I nodded again, thankful to be rid of the difficult questions about my past for which I cannot provide answers.

"Mr. Yuy, you mentioned the war. Would you mind explaining to me how someone as young as yourself became involved in such a thing?" 

Inhaling sharply, I gathered my strength and prepared to tell the woman facts that could possibly sign my committal papers. " I was a pilot." 

"I'm surprised and applaud that OZ would allow someone as young as yourself to be –"

I cut her off; the truth will set you free, right? 

"I wasn't working for OZ. I was specifically trained from an early age as a Gundam pilot." 

My last words hung in the air as she stared at me life I had sprouted a second head. Her disbelief written across her face, I made my best attempt to quickly explain myself. 

"After the wars, I was offered a job with the Prevetners. The true identity of the pilots has been kept from the media thanks to an elaborate façade set up by Cornel Director Une."

"Mr. Yuy, if I take what you say to be the truth then you have not had the opportunity to develop the proper social skills for a person your age. Furthermore, you are probably unknowingly suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder."

"I can assure you doctor, until recently I have never once had difficulty functioning normally."         

She pulled the pencil from behind her ear and began to scribble down notes again. When I tried to glace at her writing, she pulled back the folder to obstruct my view.

" Which brings me to why we are both here, your recent suicide attempt. Would you mind telling me what led you to try and take your own life?" 

My hands balled up in to fists so tight my veins felt like they'd break the skin. I had not nor would I ever attempt suicide, so why does everyone continue to insist that I did?! The anger bubbled up again from the pit of my gut and caused my head to swim. I couldn't think clearly, so I just blurted it out.

"LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT! I DID _NOT ATTEMPT SUICIDE!!!"_

 My outburst didn't seem to phase the woman one bit. She continued to sit there, legs crossed, hands folded. I painted for a moment, my dry throat now raw from the outburst. She watched my chest heave for a moment before continuing to speak in a firm, flat tone. 

"I apologize, Mr. Yuy, I must be in the wrong room. The Mr. Yuy I was sent to visit with was found with a gun to his head." 

"Stop. Mocking. Me." 

"Again, my apologies. I didn't intend to sound anything less than serious." 

She's grinning again. That wide toothy smile that is reveling in the amount of power she holds at this moment. Her bright red lipstick smeared all over her two front teeth. It's taking every bit of restraint to keep from punching her in the jaw and running the hell away from here. However, I have to stay. I have to deal with this insolent woman to get out of here properly. To see Duo…

My voice still shaking with rage, I slowly began to tell my side of the events. 

"I hadn't sleep for days, I couldn't. I was consumed with worry for Duo. Admittedly, I do feel partially responsible for the accident. He should have been on L1, with me. I had a confrontation with one of the doctors, which was a mistake, and I ran off to get my head together. When I returned, I fell unconscious in Duo's room. When I awoke, I was here. Restrained." 

"So what you're saying, Mr Yuy, is that you don't remember?" 

Why does this doctor insist on putting words in my mouth?! "No. That is not correct." 

She reclined in the chair and began to write again. 

"Well then, would you mind filling in the blank for me?" 

The condescending tone of her voice really irritates me. Someone should fill in the blank space between her ears! 

"While unconscious, I did have a rather graphic dream about a battle, one of the battles from the war. I assume that my body reacted instinctively while I was sleeping." 

There, everything said. She has to except my explanation. I omitted my dual-self from the story to save face. Kami I hope this works.  

"Mr Yuy, I do not feel that you will befit from being retained for observation. You've demonstrated a great distaste for this facility and I personally do not think that patients can fully recover unless they have a certain comfort level. However, I do believe you would benefit a great deal from some one-one therapy."  

I froze. The blood in my veins stood still and my breath halted and hung in the air. Exactly what was she suggesting? 

"I will understand if you are a bit apprehensive, but whatever you may think of me Heero, I am only thinking of your welfare. The first thing I would like you to do is find a more stable work environment. I'm sure you find working for the Preventers rewarding in continuing your efforts to maintain peace, but I really think with your history your line of work will only continue to foster this sorts of episodes. I do not think you've been given time to explore what else you can offer society. " 

I couldn't believe my ears. Leave the Preventers? What the hell else am I supposed to do with my life? Sit around in front of the television? Work at McDonalds?   

"… I would also like to hear more about your 'family'. You said you don't keep in touch as much as you'd like. Why is that?" 

Yet another stupid question that doesn't have a damn thing to do with getting me out of here! "We have rather busy lifestyles." 

"Uhuh. So you just haven't made the time?" 

"No."

"What's stopping you?"

Question after question after pointless question!! I'd like to take that blasted pencil and shove it through her eye!!!!

"I don't expect you to understand how demanding my job is, doctor. The same is true for my entire family circle. I couldn't possibly tell you more without compromising the security of the other pilots identities." 

She nods and keeps writing. "Well then, that should be enough for now. Mr. Yuy, I'll tell you what I plan to do. Given the fact that you were involved in the war an obviously had a difficult childhood, I cannot ethically let you leave here without some guarantee of follow-up treatment."

I can feel a lump in my throat sticking again. She reaches into the folder, pulls out a document, and hands it off to me. 

"This is a legally binding contract Mr. Yuy. If I am to release you, then you are to abide by the regulations set therein. First, you will take a six-month leave of absence from your work as a Preventer. Secondly, you will see a psychiatrist for a more throrough evaluation and take any prescribed medication as directed. In addition to visiting the psychiatrist, you will also set up weekly visits with a psychologist, and keep those appointments. [2] I will contact your employer to make all the necessary arrangements."     

I sat there dumbfounded, glaring down at the vile document that would grant me an exit from this hellhole, but not freedom. One thing kept me from ripping up the document and darting out the window, my overall desire to see Duo Maxwell again. I want my old life back. I want to be at home when he comes in from work, complaining about one co-worker or another. I want to go to bed at night listening to him snore. I want that little taste of heaven back in my life. If this is the only way to get it, then so be it. 

With shaky hands I take the pencil from her grasp and place my signature next to the tiny 'X'. 

"Very good." She smiles again, snatching the paper from my hands and placing it back into the folder before closing it. Standing, she places a small card in my hand. 

"That is the number of an organization that specializes in placing patents with psychiatrists in their area. I'll enter your name into their database so all you have to do is call them within the next week, and they will set up an appointment for you. I'll inform the front desk to have someone bring your personal belongings."     

She reached out and placed a hand firmly on my shoulder, "I know this seems like a lot, but life's much simpler when you enjoy it. You'll see." 

I crinkled my nose at he heavy stench of her perfume. Who the hell wears vanilla? [3] But I was thoroughly repulsed when she leaned down and planted a kiss on my cheek! Oh urge to kill rising. Kami, I take back everything rotten I've ever said about Relena, just get this woman outta here!!!

Someone must have heard my prayer for she quickly sauntered out the door, leaving me repressing the urge to vomit.  

***

Wufei entered the room and presented me with my personal belongings: a watch, my wallet, a Preverters badge, and my gun. I replaced each item in the appropriate pocket of my jacket. He smiled smugly, still dressed in his casual white cotton pants and blue tank top. 

" I knew you'd figure it out Yuy." 

His words surprised me and I looked blankly at him for a moment before reaching out and pulling him into a friendly hug. He drew back for a split second, obviously not expecting such a gesture, but slowly wrapped his arms around my back. I never noticed it before but he smells sweet, like co-co butter. 

The hug lasted only a minute before he released me and patted my shoulder, shaking his head. 

"Let's go, Heero. Their still waiting."  

At that moment, something inside told me that everything was right. That I was going home. 

TBC… 

[1] Bergar is the last name of a shrink from one of my favorite novels of all time "Ordinary People"  

[2] For those who have never gone to therapy, a psychiatrist is the guy who pumps you full of drugs, a psychologist is the guy who sits there and charges 100 bux an hour to nod his head and confuse you…

[3] I do! I do! ^__^ 

Yes! I know Heero could easily hack into the files and delete the whole mess but just read the next chapter before you flame me for plot holes!!!

A/N: **/**sighs/ thank gawd that's over with…for those who have never dealt with a suicide attempt personally, I tell you now, I made none of this up. This is Exactly what they do to you, I actually let poor Heero off pretty easy…..  I'm really surprised and thankful for all the attention this story has gotten! Well, considering I'm still getting e-mails from fan-girls who say my Heero gives them nightmares. Sorry about that  /sweat drop/ 

But in the next chapter we get our Duo back! YAY! Just dealing with Heero is driving me crazy. 

So next: "Chapter 8 ~ Awakening" 

Reviews? Please? Pretty please? Come on, ya know you wanna ^_- 


	9. Awakening

I just couldn't wait for this chapter to get back from the beta! Some changes may be made and the chapter might have to be re-loaded latter but, heck… I couldn't keep you all waiting one day longer!! I apologize in advance for spelling errors and stuff that I might have missed. So here ya go!!! 

A/N: the last chapter was not meant to discourage anyone who needs psychological treatment from seeking it… it was merely based on my own personal experiences…   

Oh, from here on out… Defiantly 1+2 … hints of 3+4, 5+4, and past 5+2:  better get Jerry Springer in here…. -_-;

* Huggles her reviewers * Thank you guys again!!! Feedback makes it worth writing!! 

Still own nothing…

"Chapter 8 ~ Awakening"

I sat staring motionless at the beauty before me, making my best attempts to tune out the voices traveling in from the hall. Guilt and apprehension traveled through my body as the fretful words of two close friends settled in my ears. The past two weeks had proved to be more complicated and eventful that I had ever anticipated. Much to my dismay, my actions on the L7 colony cluster had not gone unnoticed by my superiors and co-workers. Wufei was currently faced with the task of explaining to the newly arrived Trowa as to exactly _why_ I'd been put on medical leave by the Preventers.

The trip from L7 to the hospital facility to Earth had been smooth. Quatre had been kind enough to hold the shuttle at port while Wufei and I took a private plane from the hospital. The luxury jet, most likely one of the Winners private planes, took only twenty minutes to reach the spaceport. For me, those twenty minutes felt like hours. Anxiety pumped through my veins like fire as I starred out the window at the passing city scrape. Memories of Duo swimming through my brain, my mind raced along at a fevered pace. I hadn't realized my hands were shaking until Wufei reached over and placed a steady hand over mine. His compassionate gaze locked my eyes into his, and I sat melting into the hope he provided. 

Quatre formally greeted us on the runway and led the way though the crowded port to his company's private dock. I hadn't laid eyes on the blonde in almost a year but his friendly demeanor and sparkling crystal aqua blue orbs still held the same warmth. Even though the circumstances were dire, he smiled rays of sunshine. Quatre has a way about him that always breathes life into even the grimmest of conditions. For the kindness he's shown Duo, I am eternally grateful. 

The ship was a fully established hospital in and of it-self, with all the comforts of first-class passenger shuttle. The upper deck was lavishly furnished with leather reclining passenger seats, plush wine red carpets, and tortoise-shell conference tables. The second level had individual sterile rooms, some equipped for surgical proceedings, others meant for patients. A private doctor Quatre contracted had prepped Duo for the three-day journey. A small staff of medical professionals also joined the good doctor in caring for the slumber angel during the voyage. I wanted to spend the entire journey locked in Duo's room, but Wufei and Quatre saw that I ate and slept regularly in my own quarters. It amazes me how much they really do care…

Earth offered more opportunity for Duo's recovery. I stayed by his bed for hours at a time, praying to whatever god might here me; begging them to save my Shinigami… 

A few members of the private medical staff that accompanied us from L7 stayed on. One of them, Dr. Beatrice Hawkins, the most renowned neurosurgeon in L3, spent hours performing cranial scans to pinpoint any specific damage. She brought with her a staff of specialists and Quatre hired a team of private nurses to fuss over Duo. 

After several days of non-stop tests, the medical facility Quatre recommended provided all of us with relieving news; Duo had suffered minimal brain damage and would most likely function normally when he awoke.

 'When'~ That word filled me with so much hope I though my heart would overflow with delight. 

The young Winner managed to secure Duo a private room that much resembled a hotel suite. A private bathroom, outsized double bed, pullout sofa, and bay window with a view of the vast botanical gardens were just some of the many perks the room had to offer. The only indication of the room's true dire purpose was that vast array of monitors and machinery that monitored the young patients vital signs.

Wufei, Quatre, and myself made use of the sofa's pullout bed and spent many restless nights monitoring our friend. I would stay every evening if Quatre hadn't insisted on persuading me to stay with him. The petit young blonde can be very convincing with his onslaught of charming smiles and concerned facial expressions. When I miss a meal he sends a tray to my room. When I haven't slept he practically tucks me into bed like a little boy. Under any other circumstances I'd find his actions intrusive; but given my previous behavior patterns, I can understand his concern. 

 It didn't take much work to remove any evidence of myself from the psychiatrist's database. However, after a consultation with Cornel Director Une, a decision was made for me to take a six-month paid-vacation from the Preventers. I also underwent a full psychiatric evaluation at the Preventers' headquarters in Sanq; and released three days latter with a clean bill of health. I simply learned to tell the psychologists what they wanted to hear. The 'vacation' from work allots an abundance of time for me to spend with Duo. 

We talk, or rather; _I_ talk, thanks to engorgement from the physicians who insisted Duo could most likely hear ever word said in his presence. I carried on one-sided conversations with my slumbering angel. I found things to say; most are words I would probably never find the courage to say to him if he were awake. I often find myself beginning a conversation with 'do you remember when?' remising about the tragedies that befell us during the wars or happier times when we'd shared a home. Sometimes his body shifts or a low moan will escape his parched lips, almost as a way to acknowledge my presence. Those moments send sparks shooting down my spine. Soon his angelic voice will speak my name once again.   

Remembering Duo's fondness for model kits, I went to the local craft shop and purchased a wide verity of different ships and planes for 'us' to assemble during the long hours of waiting at the hospital. I discovered one company had put together a line of 'War Relic' model kits and I purchased one of each Mobil Suit model they manufactured, including the surprisingly accurate miniature Gundams. I spent most evenings at the table by Duo's bed piecing together the intricate parts. I really wish Duo had been awake to see the queer expression on Wufei's face when I presented him with an eight-inch replica of 'his Nataku'. 

Quatre found my endeavors quite humorous, commenting: "I think it's wonderful you're keeping busy, Heero. Now the hospital room is equipped with it's own miniature army, should the facility ever be over-run!"  

I couldn't restrain the goofy grin from spreading across my face. Quatre has that power over people; his charm just melts their hearts. Witch, of course, is _why _I wish he were here now to handle a very confused and enraged Trowa. 

Trowa, Quatre, and Duo had remained exceedingly close following the first war. However, Duo and I aside, after Maremaia most everyone went his separate way. Duo had conveyed to me information about Quatre and Torwa's 'relationship' after the first war. Apparently, although he had understood, Quatre had been disappointed with Trowa's decision to return to the circus after peace had been achieved. Trowa felt as if he owed a debt of gratitude to Catherine, and once a DNA test confirmed they were in fact blood brother and sister, he felt a need to be with his family. I can't say I blame him.         

The traveling circus troop to witch the uni-banged clown belonged was finally due to pass through the area this week, and Wufei had taken it upon himself to go down and speak with him. Expressing deep concern for his friend, Trowa confirmed that he would indeed make a point to visit Duo while he was in the neighborhood.

When the ex-heavyarms pilot arrived, I had been alone with Duo in the room; Unaware of the fact that Trowa and Wufei had spoken or that the emerald-eyed boy had planned to visit. As it was the middle of the day, he was surprised to find me hovering over a table attempting to assemble a miniature replica of a Leo. He stood there for a moment, obviously dumbfounded, shifting his gaze from Duo to me then back to Duo again and finally rising and eyebrow in my direction. 

"Heero. Pleasure to see you again." 

I nodded and continued my construction. 

"Shouldn't you be at work?" 

"I'm on leave." I replied, still not meeting his gaze.

He gestured to the tiny piles of plastic parts arranged on the table. "And what exactly are you doing?"

"Duo and I are building models."         

He seemed to digest my response for a moment before simply responding, "I see………." 

Then his question brought to mind something I had finished two days prior. I put down the bits of plastic and glue and scurried over to the window seat where the completed models had been arranged by Quatre and myself in various battle scenes. I immediately picked out exactly what I had been looking for and shuffled over to Trowa, presenting him with the model Duo and I had produced of Heavyarms.  

"Duo wants you to have it." 

My former comrade stood expressionless gazing at the small toy in my hand. A few minutes must have passed before he turned and walked back out the door. Disappointed and rejected, I returned to my labor.  

He returned an hour latter with Wufei. Witch brings me back to the present moment. 

The young Preventer and the worlds most forlorn circus clown are standing in the hall, in dispute over me. I can clearly hear every word of their conversation. Each syllable Trowa spoke stung and burned at my brittle ego.  

"Wufei, he's in there playing with toys." 

"So."

"You don't find that the least bit odd?" 

" Trowa, it keeps him busy." 

"He's making copies of our Gundams." 

"So, he made me a replica of Natauku." 

"…and you kept it?" 

"Yes. It's on my desk if you must know." 

"…and you find this to be typical Heero Yuy behavior?" 

"No." 

"So why isn't he in treatment?" 

"Trowa, he's fine. The Preventer's psychiatrist already cleared him. This is a stressful situation for all of us. This just happens to be the way Heero is coping with Duo's unfortunate circumstances." 

"He told me 'Duo' wanted me to have a toy model of Heavyarms." 

"He told me the same thing when he gave me Shen-long." 

"Is that all he does? Sit by Duo's bedside making toys?" 

"No, sometimes he talks to him. Most of the time he just sits there holding Duo's hand." 

"…and all of this is healthy?" 

Wufei let out an exasperated sigh and cleared his throat before continuing. 

"Trowa, we all talk to Maxwell. The doctors informed us that familiar voices might have a positive effect on his condition. I've even been bringing a book to read to him. As far as the models, Duo had a affection for the juvenile little things and in Yuy's mind they are working _together _on this miniature army of his…the important thing is that _both_ of them are faring much better."      

Trowa went silent for a moment. I just stared looking for signs of acknowledgment in Duo's pale face. If I could clearly make out their conversation, then Duo must be listening as well. I wonder if he'll think me as pathetic when he awakes? 

"Can you update me on Duo's status?" 

"If you would like…" 

"Yes I would, Wufei. I'd also appreciate some time with him."  

" Yuy and I have to meet Quatre for dinner soon, but you're more than welcome to stay as long as you'd like. The sofa pulls out if you want to spend the night…" 

" That won't be possible. I have a show at eight." 

Both of them went silent for a moment. 

"How is … Quatre?" 

Trowa's continually flat tone suddenly sounded uneasy. I smirked and muttered to Duo sarcastically, " How nice of him to finally ask." 

Wufei paused again, presumably choosing his words carefully in this somewhat delicate situation.  

"Busy, actually. Winner Enterprises has been rebuilding facilities both on Earth and in space for quite some time. All the projects keep him very occupied." 

"I'm sure…" 

Trowa went quiet again. Maybe he sensed the stern tone in Wufei's voice as I did. Something almost predatory… 

"Well, perhaps we could all get together tomorrow? Howard and Hilde are flying in from L2." 

"That could be pleasant. I'll see what my schedule allows." 

The noise in the hallway ceased and Wufei appeared in the doorway. 

"Heero, we have to get going if we're to arrive at six." 

I nodded in affirmation and leaned over to brush my fingers over Duo's soft skin.

"I'll be back soon." I whispered in his ear before departing. 

*** *** 

We were to join Quatre at a casual dinner down the road. Rightfully named "The Comfort Diner" [1], it was a fairly low lit and filled with over sized booths. Greasy and inexpensive, the food offered wasn't what I'd usually expect to be Quatre's forte. However, the important thing was location, not quality.  

Dinner proceeded rather well. Wufei scowled and picked at his meal of a Gyro and French fries.  

"It won't bite you." Quatre quipped before taking another bite of his double cheeseburger. 

"Hn. The food is unhealthy and poorly cooked."  

"It's better than the hospital food." The young blonde offered, mouth full of beef. 

I silently nibbled on my tuna sandwich, intently watching my friends' conversation. Quatre had been rambling on about a merger the company had been negotiating. Wufei had yet to offer any information regarding Torwa's visit. I couldn't decide if mentioning it would be a good idea. So, I nodded my head once and a while, consuming my meal. Neither of them seemed to mind. 

By the time the waitress came to remove our plates, Quatre had finally finished with his account and took note of my silence. 

"So Heero, what did you do today?"   

"Duo and I worked on that Leo model for a while. It should be finished soon." 

"Wonderful!" The blonde exclaimed, clapping his hands, " We'll add it our little collection. Just be sure you save Deathscythe for Duo." 

I smiled, "I will. I still don't have one of Wing, the store had to order it." 

So what if Duo and I were 'playing with toys'? Quatre and Chang didn't seem to have a problem with it. Neither Duo nor Myself had a very playful childhood. This was our way of having some kind of normal adolescence. Creating something for some one I cared for gave me such pleasure and a feeling of worth; the simple act of snapping together the delicate plastic pieces filled me with a great satisifaction.

"Well, that just means you're the most popular. Frankly, I'm jealous. " Quatre pretended to pout and Wufei rolled his eyes. I'm so lucky to have them both as friends. 

"Heero, would you mind if I stayed at the hospital tonight?" Wufei asked, " I have to pick up Howard and Hildie tomorrow and I'd rather not drive all the way home and then back into the city." 

I nodded in confirmation, trying to conceal my disappointment. Chang had been with Duo last night and it was my turn. I suppose it does make more sense though. Unfortunately, Quatre has an instinct about emotions. 

"I don't see _why _the two of you can't just share. The bed's more than big enough for _both_ of you." 

The Chinese boy's eyes rolled again. "Quatre, you're beginning to sound an awful lot like our mother." 

"Well, sometimes I think you act like you need one." He retorted, promptly sticking out his tongue. 

The waitress returned with our check and being as the hour was getting late, Wufei declared that he and I best return to the hospital if he was going to get any sleep. 

"We're still on for dinner tomorrow at my place, right?" Quatre inquired, embracing Wufei in a bear hug. 

"Yes….we may have another guest joining us." 

Those dark onyx eyes averted the questioning aqua pair. 

"Who else? Is Howard bringing another colleague along?"   

I wasn't sure if it was my place to speak. Wufei remained hushed as tension began to fill the air. From the look on Quatre's face, the young man had already deciphered the puzzle.  

"Trowa's circus is in town this week…" He muttered dropping his head to gaze down at the pavement. 

Chang stared back at him, obviously not too surprised. "You knew." 

Not a question. A statement. Somehow the predatory tone in his voice earlier was beginning to fit. 

"Ah. I've been keeping track of their shows for some time…" 

Reaching out to place a both hands on the smaller boy's shoulders, Wufei took on a comforting tone. 

" I didn't want to say anything until I was certain he'd come. I know the two of you have a history but he's here to visit with Duo while he does those circus performances. If you want me to un-invite him then I will. But, I do think the two of you need to have some kind of conversation before-" 

Quatre shrugged him off and lifted his head to reveal tears of suffering and frenzy. 

"You have to force this issue now, Wufei? Well let me make one thing abundantly clear, Yes, Trowa and I _had_ a relationship. However, that doesn't have any affect on our current…" 

Clearly, this conversation is not one I should be around for; so I turned my back and proceeded to walk back down the street, Quatre's wavering voice echoing in my ears. I checked my watch: eight fifteen. Burton should be long gone by now. Shoving my hands in the pockets of my jeans, I continued back to the hospital. I refuse to forcefully involve myself in this bizarre love triangle. If they want to talk, I'll be with Duo.

*** ***

The light reflected from the moon poured in the huge bay window and illuminated the curves of Duo's face. Once again, I sat silently watching my love sleep. Some of the radiance had returned to his skin over the past few weeks. The dark circles under his eyes had almost disappeared and even the texture of his skin and hair had improved. He still hadn't put on weight and the doctors had mentioned a need for physical therapy to increase muscle mass during recovery. Bathing in the moonlight, a smile forms on those peach lips before my eyes. 

I used to question if Duo's beaming expression was simply to hide a life lived in fear and pain. After two wars, uncountable missions, and six blissful months of living with him, I made a discovery. Duo has as many different smiles as there are different types of fish in the sea. His mischievous smile is my favorite; one end of his lips slides up his cheek and his eyes sparkle a deep amethyst. His bashful grin is so cute; his eyes turn almost blue and his lips form a slightly curved line while his cheeks redden. That's usually followed by his sensual look. One eyebrow raises and his eyes fill with a deep purple while his lips part enough so that the top row of teeth slips over his bottom lip.    

The masquerade expression is the easiest to pick out: his eyes appear lifeless. His lips are curving but his heart isn't behind it, and it pains me to believe that he does it not for himself, but for all four of us. With a group of brooding and burdened individuals such as us pilots, I suppose some one had to bring life and hope into our troop. All he ever asked me to do in the time I've known him is to 'lighten up', 'live a little', or 'smile'.

I can't fathom why he wasted so much time trying to bring happiness into my life. Why me out of all of us? I was no more deserving of his smiles and comfort than Wufei or Trowa. However, somehow he zeroed in on me. If he leaves me now he may never know how well he succeeded.            

My thoughts were interrupted by a low groan from the sofa bed. 

Wufei returned not long after I arrived and immediately flopped down on the pre-made double bed. From the amount of tossing I've observed over the past three hours, I'd say his conversation with Quatre hadn't ended well. I am concerned but unsure of how to address the situation. I have never truly been close to either of them, something with I hope will change in time; but Quatre has always been the comforting one. I suppose I'm the efficient and tactical one. I don't think this situation warrants the employment of my skills. 

Sleep threatens to take me away soon and I wish I could just climb into Duo's bed and spend the night basking in his warmth. Unfortunately, I tried that once, and Quatre had to deal with a very displeased and confused group of medical professionals the next morning. If I climb into the sofa bed with Wufei at the moment I have no doubt I'll be kicked and punched all night as he wrestles around on the mattress. If I don't rest an already distraught blonde'll chew me out in the morning. It appears that the over-stuffed chair in the corner might be my best bet if I hope to rest at all this evening.     

I ran my fingers through the loose chestnut strands, pausing to enjoy the silk against my skin. Duo's hair remained undone since not one of us could seem to braid it. Wufei and I had spent hours on the shuttle ride to earth attempting to achieve Duo's trademark hairstyle and only succeeded in thoroughly tangling the long wavy mass. The nurse had so much difficulty untangling the knotted heap that she had almost given up and cut it off. Thankfully Quatre took the time to brush and smooth out all the lumps.       

Using only my thumb I traced a line from his forehead to his full pastel lips. A shiver trickled across my skin as the memory of one sweet dream kiss flooded back. The temptation to repeat the act was unbearable. All I have wanted every night when we've been alone is to take him a in an embrace and press my mouth to his. My dreams are filled with moments of ecstasy; when I take him in my arms and his eyes lock with mine. 

Before I realized what action my body was taking, a gap of barely an inch separated my face from his. My blood boiled and my hands seem to move of their own will, sliding behind his head and raising his lips to connect with mine. It was a modest kiss, my first _real_ kiss, and it was beautiful. The soft moist texture lingering beneath my own hungry jaw. Warmth tingled along my face and I reluctantly broke the embrace: brushing a few butterfly kisses on his cheek before finally pulling away. The soft incline of his face has turned slightly pink. If I didn't know better, I'd say he's blushing.        

I yawned and stretched out before turning to proceed to my night's resting place. However, as I turned a swing caught me in the jaw, completely off guard. I promptly twisted around cradling the side of my face. Wufei stood not more than a foot away, eyes narrowed and fists clenched; he appeared set to kill. 

"How dare you…" His eyes locked with mine, his voice sounded like a low growl.

"Wufei what in the hell…?" 

"You had no right!" 

Another fist came flying toward my face, witch I quickly dogged. Hand to hand combat with Wufei would _not_ be an easy win. Further more, I was confused and possessed no desire to fight my friend. Somehow I keep finding myself faced with Chang's physical assaults quite frequently lately. I dogged several more of his blows until he finally got a leg around me and I lost balance to fall flat on my back.      

"What the fuck were you thinking Yuy?! You have no right to do something like that without his consent!" 

I gazed up at him dazed from the blow the floor inflicted on my cranium. "I don't understand… Why…?" 

"You touched him in a sexual manner while he was unconscious! Don't you even care if that advance was reciprocated? You should know how he feels before you make a move like that! Do you want to make the same mistake _I_ did?" 

"I…." 

Before I could form a complete sentence on of the monitors began producing an ear piercing pulse at a rapid pace. Chang's head snapped in the direction of the disturbance and I struggled to stand. 

The sight on the hospital bed was both disturbingly painful and extremely beautiful. Duo sat up frantically attempting to remove various needles and electrode; violet eyes wide with panic. Duo Maxwell's eyes were open. After nearly a month of laying in what seemed like never-ending slumber, his eyes were open. 

My heart leapt into my throat as my feet stayed glued in place. Wufei seemed just as immobile until a low whimper escaped Duo's lips. My body froze and my blood ran cold in panic. For a spit second I couldn't even breathe for fear this was all another dream. 

"…hurts…"

Chang snapped to attention and rushed to Duo's side, placing his palm across the boy's forehead.  

"He's burning up, Heero. I'll get the doctor. Stay!" 

The Chinese boy dashed out the door and I decisively moved to hastily unplug the machinery producing that irritating high pitch wail. 

"…. Hurts….. fuck…." 

The ring of Duo's voice, although barely audible and distraught, brought tears unshed tears of joy to my eyes. 

"Duo? Duo clam down. Wufei's getting the doctor."     

"…doctor?" 

"Yes doctor you're in the Hospital." I did my best to sound clam but the cold sweat forming on his brow alarmed me.

"…. Fei? ….. hospital…. Where..?"

Tears began to form at the corners of those beautiful eyes. Suppressing the desire to wrap my arms around him and kiss the salty droplets away, I reached out to wipe them away with my index finger. 

"Yes, hospital."

" It hurts…." 

"What hurts, Duo?" 

"…. catheter…. get it out…. please…" 

Nothing could contain the laughter that escaped my mouth. 

Duo was awake. 

Duo was alive. 

I wrapped me arms around him and rubbed small circles along his back, hoping the contact would ease the pain. Although his body shook, possibly from the fever or the pain, the hold was reassuring. A small sigh of relief passed my lips as I could no longer block the tears.  

"….Heero…?" 

I choked back sobs of joy as he spoke my name. "It's ok. It's over. You're safe." 

It's over.  

Duo Maxwell will live. 

TBC…    ( not exactly sleeping beauty but * ppbbbbt * )

[1] Actual diner in New York City near the Metropolitan Museum of Art … they have good coffee… but my description doesn't match 

A/N: 

I know all the boy's sleeping with each other is a little cliché, for that I should apologize… but instead I blame my muse…    

This took several tries before it turned into something I liked…so sorry for the late update…Not the longest chapter I've ever written, but longer than the others so I hope it was worth the wait… I don't know if Heero's behavior in this chapter is cute or disturbing? I _thought_ it would be cute …. Review and let me know what _you_ think! 

Duo: what's this 'catheter' I keep hearing about? 

Seraph: It's a tube they stick in your pee hole to drain your blatter when you're unconscious or in labor

Duo: 0.0   

See that pretty little button down there… tempting, isn't it? 


	10. Out of the Woods

Declaimers: umm… haven't you been paying attention? 

'Chapter 9 ~ Out of the Woods'

The waiting room of the hospital reeked of ammonia and appalling body odor. I do not care how sophisticated the facility may be; all hospitals smell the same. They stink like death. 

Although Duo Maxwell was officially on the road to recovery, the unforeseen and daunting wait to receive clearance to enter his room and a full update on his condition had me tense. Butterflies danced around my stomach, making any attempts at rest futile.      

The doctors had been in examining Duo for the past three hours. Wufei had placed a phone call to Quatre the very moment the head physician finished scooting us out of the room. The blonde was elated as one could be when woken up at 2am. Trowa's mobile had been tuned and Wufei had no other way of reaching the sleeping clown. So he took it upon himself to personally drive down to the circus grounds and had yet to return. Quatre arrived only a few minutes after Wufei departed and the two of us waited, side-by-side, in an eerie silence as the sun began to rise. 

Despite the unusual hush from my petite companion, a contented smile lingering on my lips. No matter what happened now, we had Duo back. All is finally right with the world. However the unanticipated high fever he'd developed was complicating matters. ' He won't be needing surgery' was the only information we'd received. 

I glanced over that the wall clock and was surprised to discover that it was already 5:43am. The shuttle carrying Howard and Hilde would be arriving in an hour and Wufei had been due to meet them. That would explain his absence. Turning to my daydreaming companion, I nudged him slightly and one clear aqua eye popped open.  

"I'm still awake." He commented flatly. 

"It's getting late, Wufei must have gone straight from the cirrus to the shuttle port."

Quatre's eyes snapped open. " It can't be…" 

I pointed in the direction of the ever loudly ticking clock. 

"Oh Allah! I have a meeting with the board of trustees in two hours. Damn it. What's taking them so long?" 

"Well aren't you pleasant this morning."  

A third voice entered our conversation and caused Quatre's head to abruptly snap to attention. 

Before us stood a very disgruntled Trowa Barton, dressed in a simple green sweater, plaid pajama pants, and a pair of running shoes. The blonde's lips moved in a shaky pattern as he attempted to form words that just didn't seem to be traveling from his brain to his mouth. Trowa ignored the struggling flaxen boy and chose to address me instead with the answer to Quatre's still unformed question. 

"Wufei's parking the car."

Well, that certainly explains how he got here. I eyed him up and down for a moment before choosing to respond in a flat tone with, "You seem to have forgotten your pink bunny slippers."  

The tall, green-eyed boy remained unfazed and took a seat crosswise from us. He sighed heavily and kept his gazed transfixed on the floor. Quatre bears the same grim expressionless face. I wonder what event could have separated two such perfectly fitted people? 

Chang Wufei burst through the double doors, locating our group quickly and rushing to address us. "What did they say?"

"No news yet." I dourly responded. "Their just making us wait."    

Obviously not what an already flustered Wufei wanted to hear. He spun on his heal and marched over to the admittance desk and began to badger the unsuspecting receptionist. 

"Poor girl…" I grumbled with a smirk.

Quatre leaned over to whisper, "You're getting to be worse than Duo. You know that?" 

His comment only widened my grin. It's wonderful how well my comrades' react to the adjustments in my personality. Hopefully, Duo will appreciate them as well. 

Wufei stomped back over to the sitting area; apparently not pleased with the information the receptionist had offered him. He looked squarely at Quatre.

"I have to be at the spaceport in less than an hour. I'll leave my cell on; you've got the number. I want to know the minute they give you an update." 

Quatre sighed, "Don't worry about it. Even if they declare that he's physically fine I doubt they'll let us take him home anytime soon. I had the house keeper make up one of the guest rooms, just in case." 

"Guest room?!" The exclamation escaped my lips in a gasp before my brain could process the action. All three of my companions gazed at me with wide-eyes. I certainly hope Quatre didn't take my outburst to be a sign of negative feelings about his treatment of guests. Only, I'd hoped…well… to take Duo…home. Wherever that may be…  

I searched the blonde's face for signs of damage and instead found a deep-seeded concern. Chang cleared his throat, grabbing my attention and casually commanded, "Heero, walk with me to the car." 

With a firm resolve, he proceeded toward the large double steel doors and waited patently for me to follow, holding one open. I stood slowly, turning to Quatre for signs of protest, and found none. Trowa just sat idly watching with the same solemn expression. Somehow I felt as if I was about to walk down death row in an OZ prison. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I follow suit. Walking through the door Chang held ajar and continuing out into the cool morning air.  

****

Outside, the street lay empty with the exception of a few cooing pigeons. Inhaling deeply, I spread my jaw to inquire as to _why_ my raven-haired companion had decided to drag me out into the chill. Before my vocal cords could create a sound, my mind filled in the narrow blank. Earlier, in Duo's room, before we had recognized that the braided boy had awoke; Chang had said something about 'mistakes' that had left me uncomfortable. My logical mind told me to wait for answers until he felt comfortable enough to offer up the explanation. Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long.     

I followed on his heals until we reached an incline in the sidewalk; then he turned and looked me dead in the eye. 

"Heero, I am going to be very firm and clear since I do not have time to idly sit around and chat about ancient history, understood?"

Slightly intimidated and shocked at his directness I simply nodded. Then again, Chang Wufei was never one to fuck around.  

"I didn't pull you out here for protection walking to my vehicle. I did it for two reasons: One, Quatre and Trowa could really stand some time alone. I will be gone for a while. See to it that those love-loran idiots don't start a catfight in front of Duo; he's bound to be confused as hell and doesn't need more stress. Two…" 

His voice trailed off, obviously searching for words to accurately describe our encounter earlier in the morning. His expression clearly showed a twinge of discomfort and something in my belly began to flutter. I am not sure if I am prepared for what he is about to say. 

"… I successfully kept this secret until now. Practically due to my own guilty emotions and partially for fear of how all of you would react." 

Pausing again, Wufei turned his eyes to the simple gray birds that surrounded our feet. One decided to start pecking at his shoe. With one swift movement he kicked the offending flying rat panicking the whole flock and sending them onto wing. Once the whirlwind of feathers passed, Wufei's onyx orbs were again locked on target. I stiffened under the insanity of his gaze.   

"Duo and I had an encounter during the first war." 

_I'm going to kill him. _

"I don't know what goes on in that screw-ball head of yours Yuy, but before you leap to conclusions, let me get this out…"

_I'm going to pull out his intestines and wrap them around his neck. _

"Heero, relax, please!" 

My blood boiled, supplying my restless brain with a burst of adrenaline. Flinching, I looked down to find that I had unknowingly put a death grip on his left arm. I released his bruised flesh and took several passes back. I can't control the fury that burns in my blood when it comes to all matters involving Duo Maxwell. 

"My apologies Chang."  

His back straightened as he attempted to reconnect with my darting gaze. I'm pretty damn sure I do _not_ need nor want to hear his account. Further more, my increasing heart rate and the burning around my ears are adding to the nervous feeling in my stomach. I honestly think that I may loose the remainder of my dinner on the sidewalk. Me? Melodramatic? Nahh… that's Trowa's job. 

"Heero, your possessive nature will be your downfall. I'm asking you to listen so that the mistakes of the past don't come back to haunt two people I happen to care a damn good bit about; so put you're personal feelings back down in the pit of your gut for five minutes and listen." 

I swallowed hard and gestured for him to continue, my fragile mind screaming for him to just get it over with.

"During the first war, Maxwell and myself shared an OZ prison cell. The oxygen supply had been cut off and in an attempt to ration the amount of air I used meditative methods to slow my breathing. As time wore on, it truly seemed as if that would be our end. We narrowly escaped before all the breathable air was gone. My own self-control most likely saved both our lives that day. Afterwards, Maxwell became intent on… Thanking me…" 

Wufei had averted his gaze and his hands had balled up in an attempt to control his arms from shaking. His body's reaction to the memory only severed to heighten my own nervous state. 

I remember the incident of which he speaks, but I don't recall it having any profound effect on either Duo or Chang. Well, no more of a consequence than any other occurrence during the wars.   

"…Heero, he came to me…intoxicated… and said he wanted to 'show his gratitude' for  'saving his life'…he asked me to… take his virginity." 

I opened my mouth to shout but found myself choking on the angry words that my tongue refused to propel past my trembling lips. I'm not sure if my anger is due to the fact that Duo made the offer to Chang and not myself, or the inclination that Wufei actually accepted Duo's offer when the braided boy obviously wasn't in the right state of mind. 

The only thing keeping me for lurching forward and choking the life from his body is that fact that Wufei must have a point in telling me this story.    

"Did you?" I dared to ask, trying to keep my tone even. 

To my surprise, he chuckled and continued to stare away at nothing in particular. 

"Teenaged hormones are a funny thing, Yuy. I'll admit I wanted to. My mind was screaming about self-control and how it wasn't the time for me to be considering such things as sex. However, my physical desires got the better of me… He removed his own clothes and just stood deathly still in the light, waiting…I had always harbored a physical attraction to him, and presented with an opportunity, I gave into my instincts and acted. 

Then entire time he just stood so still, not uttering a sound, as I attempted acts I would have thought to be pleasurable. I ceased my explorations when I realized tears had begun to trickle from his half-lidded eyes. I realized he didn't desire me the way I did him, and had decided to offer sex out of gratitude instead of love. I pulled away, gathered his clothes, handed them back to him, and asked him to leave. He must have considered it rejection because he ran from the room sobbing. After, things merely continued to be as they always were at that time. We never spoke of it; but I still harbor a profound guilt for my disgraceful actions that night." 

Once he forced out the last of his tale, I found myself torn between the desire to slug or embrace my companion. The strained expression on his face stirred up sentiments of pity in my heart. Obviously, he felt genuine remorse for his actions, but that didn't diminish that fact that he'd inflicted pain on someone for witch I cared deeply. Unable to make a decision of action, I stood motionless watching the small Chinese man's face twitch as he choked back unshed tears.    

" Heero, I tell you this now because you must understand that love, and the physical manifestations or expressions of that love, cannot be forced upon someone. Even an innocent kiss, if unwelcome, can cause great pain." 

I understand now. Duo has never shown any outward interest in me as anything but a friend. I hold no evidence that my romantic sentiments have ever been reciprocated. If I act without certainty that Duo Maxwell cares for me as I do him, I jeopardize our friendship and risk harming us both.

Reaching out, I placed one hand gently along his arm. Our eyes locked for a moment and exchanged unspoken words of settlement. 

"Wufei, I understand that the past few weeks, you have been acting out of concern for Duo and myself. I thank you." 

He nodded and placed his hand over mine, casually removing it from his sleeve. 

"I must go." He said, turning away. 

I watched frozen for a moment as the tail of his black trench coat fluttered behind him and disappeared across the street. I shoved my hands back in my pockets and retreated back to the hospital, my head still swimming with apprehensions. 

Chang Wufei is a more compassionate man than any of us will ever know.  

*** *** 

Dr Hawking stood with Winner and Barton in the vast sea of blue plastic chairs. I maneuvered carefully over to my friends, anxious for the good doctor's diagnosis. From the overzealous expression on the blonde's face, things are looking up. 

I smiled at the perceptibly exhausted doctor and offered a firm handshake. 

"Mr. Yuy, we had wondered where you ran off to. I believe I have some good news about Mr. Maxwell."

Quatre latched himself onto my side and starred up at me wide-eyed, grinning. I extended my arm around his shoulders and stroked his soft fair-hair. It's good to see him so chipper after the long evening. 

The Doctor cleared her throat and stuffed Duo's chart under her arm. "Gentlemen, Mr. Maxwell's fever has broken. Confinement to a bed has caused his muscle mass to deteriorate and he's very weak. As to be expected, he's disoriented and confused, but his memory is completely intact. I must admit he's been quite a difficult patient. We've given him a full physical and, all things considered, he appears to be in good shape."

Relief swept down my spine and my body went lax. Quatre supported my body weight as I tightened my clasp on the smaller boy. I was so ecstatic; I think I knocked the wind out of him. Never the less, he laughed and returned the hug, bordering on tears of joy. The little leach realized me after a few moments and flung himself on the unsuspecting Doctor. Glancing over at Trowa, I found him chuckling at Quatre's adorable and enthusiastic state.        

Dr. Hawking pried herself from the young Winner's hug. "Would you like to see him? I'm sure he'd be glad to have some familiar company."

"Of course!" The little blonde ball of excitement exclaimed.

The doctor led the way back to Duo's private room, grinning from ear to ear.

****

Duo lay flat on his back with his long auburn hair draped over one shoulder as we entered the room. The morning sun poured in through the open shade and illuminated the more flaxen strands around his face, giving the illusion of an angelic halo. His violet eyes gazed up at the ceiling and his brow crumpled in a state of discontent. 

Dr. Hawking knocked on the door to grab Duo's attention. "Mr. Maxwell, you have some visitors." 

When he turned to look at us, my heart began to flutter and I inhaled sharply. I'd never seen him so breathtakingly beautiful, draped in white linens and smiling brightly so that his eyes sparkled like jewels. His expression quickly changed form a wrinkled frown into a radiant grin as his eyes locked with mine. Goosebumps rose along my neck as I gazed into those deep violent orbs and, all at once, a wave of clam came over my body. 

Quatre leapt forward and embraced the amethyst-eyed boy. Still contained in his hospital bed, Duo helplessly struggled to pry himself free of the blonde's death-grip-of-love. Trowa and I stood in the doorway, amused by the scene.

"Q- man… yeah it's nice to see you too… gack…ok can't breathe here… help…" 

 The doctor stood behind us, leaning against the doorframe laughing to herself. " Go easy on him Mr. Winner, he's got a long road to recovery ahead." 

Trowa finally came to Duo's aid and pulled back the animated young man. Quatre turned to the uni-banged boy and began to pout. 

"Ohh, but I have to be at work in an hour and I wanted to spend time with Duo!" 

"You can spend time with him, Quatre, just don't _strangle_ him."  

"Guys! Guys! I'm not going anywhere here! Relax." Duo looked over at Dr. Hawking and myself with pleading eyes. 

"Maybe this is too much excitement for Mr. Maxwell. You gentlemen should probably have come in one at a time. I didn't realize how energized you'd all be." 

Quatre's sour expressing only worsened with the doctor's scolding. He pushed his lip out farther and batted his crystalline blue eyes. 

"Hey, easy on the cuteness factor Q, there's only so much a man can take." Duo joked, reaching up to ruffle the blonde's locks. 

"Dr. Hawking is right, Quatre," Trowa asserted, "Duo needs time to relax. After all, Hilde, Howard, and Wufei will be here shortly. We shouldn't overwhelm him." 

Duo's eyes went wide. "Wait, what did you guys do? Invite everyone we know?"

As the commotion in the room continued, Wufei's words ran through my mind: 'Quatre and Trowa could really stand some time alone'. I walked into the room and calmly addressed the situation. 

"Quatre, you have to be at work soon. Why don't you and Trowa go back to the house and grab some breakfast. I'll stay here and fill Duo in on recent events until Wufei arrives with our guests."   

Reluctantly, the young blonde caved and nodded in affirmation. "I'll meet you back here around six-ish. Obviously we won't be continuing with our dinner plans, but I'll see if I can have chef whip up something to bring over." 

"Oh, good food, I'm starving!" Duo shouted, struggling to sit up. 

"Now, now, Mr. Maxwell. A dietitian will be meeting with you this afternoon to discuss your current nutrition needs. You might not be up to solid foods yet." 

The doctor's information caused a sour expression to form on Duo's face. He crossed his arms and flopped back down on the bed, sighing. "But I'm hungry _now_. Are you telling me that I have to eat _baby food_?" 

"For the time being your IV is providing adequate nutrition." 

 That didn't seem to encourage Duo much, and he rolled over burring his head in a pillow. Trowa leaned over and ran his fingers through the sulking boy's long hair. 

"They're only doing this with your welfare in mind." He soothed.

Duo rolled over and gazed up at the three of us, his long hair spread out around his face. 

"I know guys. I'm just kinda frustrated here." 

"Understandably so." Trowa replied and gestured to Quatre that they should make their departure. 

Quatre sighed and placed his hand along Duo's cheek. "I'll be back latter." 

The two moved to exit the room with Dr. Hawking but Trowa paused, grabbing my arm. "_You_ need to get some rest." He told me flatly, and continued out the door. 

Duo and I were left alone and for the first time I began to feel slightly nervous. So much had happened while he lay resting, I wasn't sure where to begin. 

Should I just outwardly confess my newly realized feelings? Will it coast our friendship if he doesn't reciprocate? 

How am I going to explain my absence from the Preventors? If I tell him the truth, will he lose respect for me? 

My tired mind swam with thoughts and unanswerable questions as I stood in the center of the room, starring off into nothingness. Fortunately, Duo was the first to speak. 

"Heero, I just have one question." 

"You'd been in a coma for twenty six days, fourteen hours, and thirteen minutes."

"Uh…ooook. But that wasn't my question." 

I looked over at him, honestly surprised. "Well, then wha-"

"_What_ is _that_?" He said, pointing up at the ceiling above the bed where Quatre and I had suspended a few random models of WWII planes that I had assembled. 

"Epion fighting with a squadron of kamikaze pilots." I replied as if it was nothing out of the ordinary. 

"I see that. _Why _is it hanging from my ceiling?" 

"Um, because I ran out of space by the window." 

He looked over at me with an eyebrow raised. "_You_ made all this?" 

I shrugged. "I had a lot of free time." 

"I never figured you were into this kinda stuff, Heero." 

"Well, I found a company that makes a 'war relics' line and became intrigued. The miniature Gundams are actually quite detailed and accurate."  

"They made our Gundams into _toys_?" 

Suddenly, I remembered something I had been saving. I walked over to the nightstand next to the bed and withdrew a small black box from the top drawer. Holding my breath, I handed the model kit to Duo. His face lit up instantly.

"Hey! It's Deathscythe! But, why didn't you put it together?" 

"I thought you'd want something to pass the time while you recover." 

Abruptly, the light faded from his face and a quite whimper passed those soft, peach lips.

"Heero, I can't stay here." 

My mind supplied a perfectly legitimate rebuttal. "Of course you can. If you're concerned about the finances, the Preventors have already secured adequate funds for you to stay on through physical therapy-"

"No, Heero, _I can't stay here._ It's not a matter of money, although I admit I probably couldn't afford the bill. I don't _want _to be here. This is a _hospital_. Places like this give me the creeps." 

I can understand his apprehension, I'm not exactly fond of hospitals and after the past few weeks I hope to never have to set foot into one again. 

"Well then, Quatre might be able to convince the doctor to allow you to be released early; as long as you promise to meet with the nutritionist and physical therapist as scheduled. He's already had a guest room made up for you-"

Suddenly, he reached out and wrapped his delicate fingers tightly around my wrist. I gazed down at my love's face and felt my heart clench at the pain and desperation behind his violet orbs. 

"Home, Heero. I wanna go home..."    

TBC…

A/N: I know updates have been slow and some of the plot twists have been odd but thank you all for sticking with me and reviewing ^_^ . I just started ANOTHER new job ( the count is at 3 folks ) and that added to school has tragically left me with very little time to write… but I think this story is nearing a close, maybe 2 more chapters and an epilogue?  

For those of you wondering… I am determined to finish this story in Heero's POV. I'm stubborn like that. BUT I am planning a companion fic in Duo's POV that will be posted as soon as I get off my bum and write it…  

Oh and my beta is officially M.I.A… anyone want the job? Just e-mail me and let me know. 

There's a tiny little review button around here somewhere… hmmm… I wonder where it could be? 


	11. Fractured Interlude

Disclaimers: I have not secretly purchased any characters from this anime recently.   

'Chapter 10 ~ Fractured Interlude '

Duo's sudden confession of his desire to return to L1 left me determined to bring his desires to life. After consulting Dr. Hawking, I made the unfortunate discovery that Duo Maxwell's body would be not be able to withstand the changes in cabin pressure that are typical of a shuttle flight for some time. Quatre discussed the idea of our companion moving into the vast Winner estate and returning only for physical therapy with the medical staff. Although the doctors would comply with releasing Duo into the young Winner's care after a week of observation, the stubborn braided boy had other reservations. 

His heart set on displaying independence, Duo declined Quatre's invitation, much to the young blonde's dismay. Privately, he told me all he wanted was his _own_ bed: an object that still lay millions of miles away. Still determined to please my love, I consulted a real-estate agent Quatre recommended. Locating a vacant two-story lakeside ranch house approximately twelve miles from the hospital where Duo was undergoing observation. 

The house met all practical specifications however it was the landscape that convinced me to make the purchase. Secluded among a small forest of birch trees, the house had a massive deck protruding from the side that overlooked a crystal clear blue lake more than a mile wide. A narrow beach edged the water and backed into the house. The small town surrounding the area was rooted in tourism mostly; and being the early winter months, the serenity of the backdrop would remain undisturbed for quite some time

Un willing to disturb an already distraught Duo with the preparations, I set about furnishing and organizing my new home. Shopping not being my area of expertise, Quatre offered his assistance. I spent the weekend hand picking each little detail with the blonde's help. Remembering that all of Duo's personal possessions, including clothing, still remained on Howard's ship I took the liberty of purchasing a few items. Just the basics: underwear, t-shits, combat boots and a few pairs of jeans, all black of course. The old man promised to ship all of Duo's belongings in a few weeks time. 

I did my best to make Duo's room comfortable for him, giving him the master suite. I would like to think that one day it will be _our_ room, but for now it would be best to assume we'd keep separate quarters. The space had two sets of sliding doors that led out onto the terrace and it's own adjoining bathroom with a whirlpool. I know my braided companion enjoys the more simple things in life however during his impending recovery I want him to have all the best at his disposal. A queen-sized bed with jersey cotton sheets and a black leather sofa were my personal contributions, while Quatre purchased a full set of drawers and an antique chest.  

Hilde spent a great deal of time in Duo's hospital room, talking the poor boy's ear off. The two had always been the best of friends and I was glad to see her presence bring a familiar smile to his face. Alas, like Howard and Trowa, she could only stay in Sanq for a few days time. Pressing business back in L2 soon took her away. Trowa departed soon after with his circus troop, leaving only Quatre, Wufei and myself to occupy Duo's time. 

Durring my long shopping trips with Quatre, I was informed that he and Wufei had made the decision to part intimate companies. I didn't ask if Trowa's visit play a role in their decision; in fact I didn't say much at all. The blonde offered a drawn out explanation about how pressing matters in their carrier paths would continue to keep them overwhelmed, and this not being the right environment for their relationship to blossom.

Personally, I think he's love for Barton and Wufei's guilt for his actions with Duo drove them apart. 

But that's just my opinion.

I spent every night at the hospital, trying to divert Duo's attention from the countless doctor's visits and beeping machinery. We'd play chess or assemble more model kits together. His laughter would fill the room as I let him win a game for the third time in a row. I felt light hearted and free again. Our conversations flowed for hours on end. At night, I'd sleep in the chair by the bed, often waking to find him gazing up at me. I'd smile down into the depths of his violet orbs and tell him to get some needed rest. 

His favorite excuse was: 'Heero, I slept for a freaking month! Do you really think I wanna sleep_ now_?'        

The week flew by, and finally came the day I was to take Duo to our new home. 

That was the day that changed everything.

The day the silence returned…

***

Night.

The most desolate time is when the twilight falls and the two of us return to our independent spaces. Although, merely a narrow hall separates us, it feels like a mile.

I thought it best to give Duo as much personal space as possible; considering the constant intrusions he suffered while staying in the hospital. Even thought he hadn't seemed discontented with my decision, or voiced and opposition, I wondered if I should have succumb to the desire to crawl into his bed the first night.  

I want to shower him with attention, friendly love, and comfort. However, I must be weary to not overstep my boundaries. The importance of Duo's recovery cannot be obstructed by my own personal desires. I will tell him the truth of my emotions when the time is right. But the question remains; when will the time be right? 

He's standing out on the balcony again, I can see his shadow lain out on the floor through the open doorway. 

The therapist issued him a walker so that he'd have an easier time moving around. I know he despises the idea of being dependent on the awkward contraption, and so far has forgone its use. He relays mostly on me for assistance moving about the house. At night he struggles along the wall and pushes open the huge double glass doors to view the stars reflected in the lake. At times I find him sleeping on the terrace when I awake, and carry him back to bed. 

I wonder if I've made a mistake, insisting he leave the hospital to stay here. Home is what he wants, and I thought I'd done an adequate job of establishing one in this space. But home isn't furniture or wall-to-wall carpet. Home is comfort, warmth, and a place to feel safe.      

Home is wrapped in Duo's arms.   

I hear him stumble as he makes his way back to bed, collapsing with a sigh. I feel his eyes on me again. We lay motionless for a moment before I turn my head to look across the hall and rest my eyes on his torn face. I gaze deep into his eyes for an instant before his hand extends as if reaching for mine. 

I want to reach out and feel his fair fingers brush against my skin. My heart clenches in my chest but I can't move. I have to remember that acting too soon could decompose the bonds between us. Pushing back tears, I lay motionless waiting for his eyelids to seal.     

So this is what we've become…

We send each other pleading looks across a narrow hallway until one of us falls victim to unconsciousness.    

Something has to happen. 

Something must change.

This pain in my chest has to go away.

But what can I do? 

TBC… 

A/N: I know this chapter is REALLY short. But it's meant to be kinda a chaplet or interlude for what I have planned next… hence the title… 

* Hugs everyone * so keep those reviews coming and I'll do my best to update soon… 


	12. Screw Romantic Heroes

Wow, long time no see! I got overly occupied with school and work. Gomen. I hope this makes up for my absence! 

Disclaimer: In my absence, I have not acquired the rights to these sexy little bums. 

'Chapter 11 ~ Screw Romantic Heroes '  

The moment I awoke, a voice in the back of my mind alerted me that something was amiss. Before my eyelids cracked open to welcome the light of day, a feeling of dread flooded over my resting body. I shifted slowly, kicking the heavy flannel comforter aside enough so my feet were exposed. A chilled breeze brushed over the unprotected tips of my toes and caused me to shutter. Then it occurred to me, why is there wind inside the house? 

I cautiously peeked open one eye to survey my surroundings. The first thing that struck me as out of place was that the room was unusually dark for that hour of the day. The curtains had been drawn and the door closed for all but an inch. Secondly, the window was propped wide open and the rain soaked wind caused the closed drapes to dance wildly.

I wanted nothing more than to stay in the bed and continue to wrap myself in the warm solitude of dreams. However, before my head once again descended upon the pillow, something else came to my attention that struck as odd. My bedroom door, witch had remained ajar from the moment we arrived, was completely closed. 

At first, my instincts offered that the wind had blown the door shut while I lay resting, but I dismissed the thought immediately. Had nature moved the heavy object, I would have awoken to the resounding impact. This was the work of a well-trained individual who knew how to tread lightly. 

Immediately, concern for Duo flooded my mind and I leapt from the bed and threw open the door. The hall was still and, gazing into Duo's room, I found his bed made and the terrace doors closed. His walker still sat unused in the corner, collecting dust. 

I began to panic. 

The blood pulsing blistering through my veins, I randomly began pushing open doors, calling out for my love.

Each room was as empty as the one before and my mind flooded with worry. I couldn't arrange my thoughts. I didn't dare try to sort through all the worries clouding my mind. 

I can't remember how or when I got downstairs but before my brain could catch up with my body, I was racing out the front door with the keys to the SUV Quatre loaned us. 

The day was gray, overcast, and humid; a product of the past few days rain. Even at that moment heavy clouds threatened to burst in an instant. The car still being in the driveway was reassuring. Duo's body still hadn't fully regained his usual mobility; so he couldn't have wondered far without a vehicle. 

He's never disappeared like this before! Usually he just waits by his window, starring out, until I take him downstairs for breakfast. I still can't believe he'd run away. Haven't I tried everything to make him comfortable? 

This is not happening!

I will not lose him again!

The door of the jet black SUV swung open and I threw the keys in before hopping in the driver's seat and slamming the door. It was only then that I glanced down at my feet and realized I was still barefoot and in flannel pajama pants. I paused for a micro second to think if I should run back into the house and at least grab some shoes and a coat. The second passed and I shoved the key in the ignition. 

The simple fact is; I just don't give a fuck right now. I can drive barefoot. (1) 

The engine roared as I rev-ed the gas to warm up the car. The blasted piece of crap was just going to have to deal with the abuse. I'm sure Winner has a warranty somewhere. 

Reaching down to disengage the park-brake, something caught my eye in the rearview mirror.   

The car had been parked facing out into the street. Behind it lay the yard that connected to the beach and in the rain-soaked soil, footprints were imbedded.

Forgetting to turn off the car, I opened the door and peered into the mist that covered nearly everything. My heart strained as I tried not to get my hopes up. 

Step by step and foot by foot I followed the trial around the side of the house to where the wet earth gradually mixed with sand. The engine became a low rumble in the background as my eyes adjusted to the surrounding fog and a figure became clear in the distance. 

I breathed a sigh of relief and quickened my pace as I counted along the course sand. 

Duo sat on the water line, the tide washing the dirt and sand off his bare feet. Long chestnut strands danced around him in the hazy ocean breeze, causing him appear almost ghostly in the pale morning light. His hands rested at his sides, fingers playing with the fine grains of ashen sand. I stopped dead in my tracks about a yard from where he sat, starring outcross the lake. 

All I wanted was to reach down and scoop the violet-eyes beauty into my arms and carry him back to bed. 

Unfortunately, my tongue spat out an ever so witty: "What the fuck are you doing out here?"

Why the hell did I say that?

I was wrong all this time. I'm the baka. Everything I want in life is sitting right in front of me not three-feet away and all I can do is spit out a demeaning phrase laced with anger. 

What's wrong with me?        

He just sat there, taking no notice of my presence or harsh words. My love continued to allow the cold wake wash over him as he stared into nothingness. 

I lightened my tone and took a deep breath before trying to redeem myself. 

"I was worried sick. How'd you make it this far on your own?" 

Duo still remained silent and my throat started to feel dry and swollen. I stood looking down at his unmoving figure for what felt like an eternity, pondering over what I should say. 

A long slender smirk formed on Duo's wind scraped lips. 

I know that look. 

I don't like that look. 

"I walked, Heero. I can walk, ya know. Just not all that well." 

His eyes seemed vacant, distant, void of all the life and spirit I've come to expect from Duo Maxwell. 

Obviously, something has caused him to retreat into defensive mode. Shinigami's in control. 

I stood idly, eyes turned to the horizon. 

He's been frustrated with his injuries; I should have seen this coming. Duo's an independent person who's been accustomed to relaying on no one other than himself. We were both trained to suffer alone. 

"I'm taking you back to the house. We'll have breakfast and talk." 

Why does that sound more like a command than a request? Kami-sama, why can't I just speak with the compassion I feel? My tongue's a curse. (2)  

"Talk?" He scoffed, eyes narrowing on an unfixed point in space. "Since when do we talk? I talk, you stare right through me." 

Ok, I'm confused. _Very_ confused.

"I don't understand." 

"Christ Heero! You bring me into this overwhelmingly large house, help me hobble around all day, and hardly speak a word!"

What can I say? He's miserable here and I know it. I've done everything I can imagine to make this place a home, but apparently I missed something. 

"I'm sorry." I mutter, pathetically. 

Those deep violet eyes turn to gaze up at me, still narrowed as if to drive right through my body. In his eyes I can see the pain he's trying to keep bottled up. 

I can't live like this. 

Screw pride. Screw fear. Fuck the consequences. 

If I just give him the truth and declare my feelings, maybe this nightmare will wash away with the tide.

_Anything _would be better than gazing into those amethyst pools and setting eyes on such agony. 

"Duo, I – "

"I called Howard this morning." 

His eyes turned back to the water and my jaw clenched. I don't want to hear this! He's not going back out there again!

 "No."  

I shouldn't have said that. 

"_No_?!" Duo's head snapped up to send me another irritated glare. "What the fuck do you mean 'No'? Look, I appreciate your helping me get back on my feet, but who made you my keeper, Heero?!"  

A bitter gust of wind tossed about the loose chestnut strands framing his face. The water line continued to rise and the wake washed up to his knees. 

The grains of sand on the tips of his lashes, the low glow of the fog highlighting the curve of his face; the body before me painted a perfect picture of masculine beauty. The sight was breathtaking, however, if Duo continued to site in the cold tide he'd probably catch pneumonia.     

"Duo, please, just come inside. We can have this discussion over coffee." 

He lowered his eyes again and spat, bitterly, "You don't drink coffee." 

Fine. I've had enough. He doesn't have to explain everything, but I'm sure as hell not going to leave him sitting on the embankment.

Without another thought, I quickly bent down and scooped the violet-eyed beauty into my arms, getting soaked in the tide. He went ridged in surprise and then kicked in protest as I began to carry him back to the house. 

"What the hell! Heero put me down _now_!"

I turned a deaf ear to his complaints as he struggled to force his way out of my grasp. 

"Stop squirming." 

"Fuck you, Yuy!"

Well, I suppose it's good we're communicating again. (3)

"Sit still." 

"I'm _not_ taking orders from you!"

"Stop being so stubborn."

"Screw you!" 

With that, Duo's right fist collided with my jaw. I stumbled back out of sheer astonishment and lost my grip. He used the opportunity to roll from my clutch onto the sand and pulled back into a defensive fighting stance. The wind still tossing the loss strands of his hair and his eyes burning, he looked like a wild animal. 

I reached up and traced my fingers along my jaw where Duo's fist had impacted. All I could do was stare at him in shock.  

Why the hell is he fighting me? 

"Cut the hero crap!" (4)

His voice was elevated and hoarse, like he was choking back…tears? 

"Duo…I don't -"

He lunged at me. Duo came out swinging violently. Although awkward, his fist was difficult to doge. 

Those physical therapy sessions must be working. 

Finally, I managed to grab his wrist before another punch came close to my face. He wriggled for a moment, eyes dead locked with mine, before giving in and letting his body go limp onto the ground. 

"I don't need your shit Heero and I don't need your pity. I'm not looking for someone to save my ass all the time!"

He struggled to stand again and I offered assistance but he pushed my hand away. 

The whole scenario left my throat feeling dry. Even with out physical injury, every part of my body ached. 

Goddamn it, I love him. 

"Duo. I'm begging you, _listen_ to me." 

Ignoring my pleas, he turned his back and began to slowly shuffle away. 

My brain shut down. Everything came crashing down and the world went dark except for the figure slowly wondering away. I turned back to the tide and with one small breath whispered into the wind:

"I love you, Duo."   

For a moment, I just felt weightless. The world around me disappeared and all I could feel was the brushing of the cool wind on my bare chest. Just for a moment, I felt free. Then, I herd Duo's awkward footsteps cease in the distance and my breath hitched. 

So this is love? 

"You think I don't know?" 

His voice remained low and strained with a harsh edge that cut through my heart. For a second I closed my eyes, as if to block reality and re-claim my abandon. 

It only brought a brief darkness.  

"Why do you think I left, Heero?"

I can't look at him. The sound of his voice is enough to tear me to shreds; if I look into his eyes I'll fall apart. 

"I don't want a knight in shining armor to come carry me away every time I fuck up. I want my roommate and my best friend. Something was changing; I could feel it in the air, when the two of us were alone at night. I didn't want to risk the only _home _I had on a _feeling_. So I went with Howard." 

Gathering my strength to keep the walled up tears locked away, I turned to him. 

"Home?" 

He let out a lengthy sigh, "Yeah, Heero. To me you're … home. I know I can always come back to you."

Our eyes met and my chest caved.

I didn't need to hear one more word. 

I quickly closed the few yards distance between us and pulled his body to mine. He went ridged in my arms and lowered his gaze. 

"I'm not sure I'm willing to take this chance, Heero." 

Placing a finger under his chin, I raised his face to mine.

"Then let me." 

Slowly, the centimeters between us disappeared and our lips touched gently as Duo began to relax into my hold. Every inch of my skin was on fire and my hands crept to entangle in Duo's soft tresses. 

For an eternity we stood there, locked in a passionate embrace.   

_Home._

TBC…. 

(1) Ummm …. Driving barefoot is actually illegal in most states. Don't ask me why. I do it all the time ^_^ 

(2) Yeah, Heero's talking about his feelings. Get over it. Move on.

(3) Can ya feel the sarcasm? 

(4) No pun intended, just read the title…. witch also has a random pun…. crap 

A/N: Some romantic beach scene, ne? 

This story is unbelievably emotionally draining to write. Unfortunately, that makes for short chapters. I think it might be ending soon simply b/c I think all the angst is giving me migraines. For those who are wondering what happened to the 5+4,3+4…I'll be getting back to that.  THANKYOU soooo much to all who reviewed!   

Review or I'll cry. 

Oh and no pun intended in the title.


	13. In Search of Happily Ever After

A/N: It has come to my attention that the previous chapter desperately needs to be revised for coherency. I was half-awake when I wrote it and it all sounded good at the time… If anyone would like to offer assistance in doing so, I'd greatly appreciate it.  Also, the 5+4/3+4 love plot will be continued in a companion fic which will be posted as soon as I finish writing it. Not title for it as of yet. 

Disclaimer: I still don't own them, so stop asking!

Warnings: blah blah blah… just make sure your mommy isn't looking over your shoulder while you read this. 

'Chapter 12 ~ In Search of Happily Ever After' 

For a moment, all other existing life ceased and all I could sense was the pressure of silky lips pressed to mine and the pounding of two quickened heartbeats. Colors danced inside my eyelids and a single erotic shock trickled down my spine. My antinomy reacted the sensuality of our colliding bodies by sending unfamiliar, yet pleasant, tremors over the surface of my skin. I was reluctant to pull away, however the rising demand for air became too prevalent to ignore.   

We parted only a few centimeters, so close that our noses barely touched and I could feel the tingle of his warm breath as it brushed over my lips. Duo's eyes drifted open to reveal two gemstone orbs hazed over with lust. I locked onto his gaze, trying to convey the stir of welling emotions in my chest through a single glance. My hands continued to rest on the slender curve of his hips and he made no effort to pull away. 

Instead, he went limp and pressed his body weight onto me as his shoulders slumped to rest his head on my torso. I adjusted my stance to accommodate his petite form: wrapping my arms tightly around him. Only then did I notice how violently he was shivering. The combination of inclement weather, stress, and Duo's still susceptible immune system must have started to take its toll. 

Immediately concerned for his health, I once again reached down and gathered his slender body in my arms. Weakly, Duo began to protest in a slurred speech. 

"Heero, I told you I don't want to be carried around and swept away 'cause then I'll end up all dependant on you and you'll hate me for it." 

Although his words served to confuse me further, I couldn't help but chuckle a little. He looked so cute and vulnerable wrapped in my arms. 

I pressed my lips to the soft stands of his loose hair and whispered softly. 

" This will be the last time, I promise. After today you can stand on your own." 

My love cradled safely in my grasp, I made my way back toward the house. Along the way, we passed the still running SUV and Duo began to mutter about wasting gas and carbon monoxide emissions putting holes in the atmosphere. 

I think I'd better turn the engine off once I get Duo to bed. 

**** ***** 

Once inside, I lay Duo on his bed, pulled a fresh pair of pajamas from the wash, and went about turning off and locking up the car while he changed. I returned to his room shortly, carrying a tray with a basin of warm water and a washcloth; Duo's prescribed painkillers secure in my pocket. (1) 

When I entered, Duo lay sprawled out across the sheets, gazing lifelessly at the ceiling. Placing the tray on a bedside table with a quiet 'clank' I went about the task of cleaning the mud and sand from his feet. (2) 

I had preformed this task many times, but never while he had been awake. Violet orbs followed my every movement while his body remained still and lax like clay for my hands to mold. The translucent beads of liquid dribbled down onto the bed linens as I used the wet cloth to massage the ball of his foot. I kept my eyes transfixed on his in curiosity as his pupils expanded with the pressure I applied. Rolling up the leg of his black cotton pajama bottoms, I continued upward along his calf, stopping only to wring out the washcloth. 

"I really should have just made you get in the tub." I mumbled just loud enough for Duo to hear. 

" Might still be a good Idea…" He slurred sleepily, " I think I've got sand in my ass crack."      

I raised one eyebrow, wondering just how he managed to get sand _there_. "If you'd like, I can draw a bath." 

"No. I'll live. I couldn't move right now if you paid me."

I merely nodded in affirmation, all the while, my fingers continued to move in small circles along Duo's leg. For a long while the only sound in the room was the dripping of water into the cooling bowl. 

**** **** 

Lying back on opposite ends of the firm mattress and cool bedding, we both starred at the ceiling in silence. I had supplied Duo with the appropriate dose of pain medication and all that was left to do was wait for him to pass out. All the while, Wufei's warnings of pushing things too far too fast stuck in my brain. I couldn't help but second-guess my choice to kiss him on the beach. Although he offered no protest, he suddenly seemed more reserved and distant. 

All that time I had waited, hopes held high, to confess; and yet he still hadn't stated if he returned my affections. I had made my declaration, choice, and move; now all I could do is sit back and wait for his response. The situation as a whole was unbearably frustrating. 

I pushed those exasperating thoughts from my mind and focused my eyes on one long crack in the plaster. Tracing the junction of the far wall along the ceiling as it broke and conjoined with other breaks, I noticed a pattern start to form. Interesting how man-made structures can take on the same attributes as the sky. Like a cluster of clouds, the cracks conjoined to form what appeared to be the face of a smiling woman. I began to wonder if Duo's eyes were set on the same spot in the room, if he saw the same image as I.   

My concentration was disrupted by Duo's heavy sigh as he cleared his throat. 

"You haven't asked me yet…why I called Howard." 

I grimaced inwardly. That was the one subject I'd hoped to avoid. Although I would have liked to know his reasons for wanting to leave, the idea of him walking away was just too painful. 

" I was waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to bring it up." 

It wasn't truly a lie since I hadn't wanted to pose the question for fear of his answer. 

" I can't stand being cooped up in here, Heero. I truly do appreciate how understanding you've been throughout all this, but I can't keep relaying on you for everything. I also need to get out more. I only leave the house to go to therapy. There's a whole world out there and I spent far too long stuck in a bed to stay in one now. I'd stand a better chance of regaining mobility of I was working. –" 

"In zero-G?!" I interjected, "Duo, you can't re-build muscle mass floating around in space. If anything it would only worsen your condition." 

He went quiet for a moment and then retorted, "I can wear weights on my ankles." 

"Duo, that's ridiculous." 

"Well, what would you like me to do? Keep sitting around here all day, starring out the window in silence?" 

Ouch. I honestly didn't have an answer. I'd like to keep Duo close to me to…. To do what? Protect him from the monsters in his closet? To see if he would fall in love with me? So that when I go to bed at night I know where he is? 

This is all starting to seem a bit silly. 

"Heero, I'm not a complete invalid. Right now I'm just intruding on your home and your life. How long has it been since you went to work anyway? I'm surprised Une gave you time off just to take care of me." 

He had to bring up work. I probably should have explained the situation to him a long time ago; however, it's embarrassing to say the least. 

" I'm on paid vacation, just leave it at that."

"You're hiding something Heero, and I don't like it." 

The room went silent again for a while and I pondered just how I was supposed to respond. Duo Maxwell has always been one of the few people that can leave me speechless. 

"I could hear you, did you know that?" 

My head turned and as I gazed at him, perplexed. Duo kept his head flat on the pillow, gazing up at the ceiling. 

"When I was in the coma, I could hear you talking to me. Sometimes I could just get little bits and pieces, but your voice always sounded so…desperate."

He finally turned to look at me, rolling over onto his side and pulling his free flowing hair back as he stretched. Duo's deep purple eyes were warm, but piercingly honest. 

"I've never heard you sound so lost Heero. You've always been the strongest of us, the perfect soldier. I still don't know what to make of these… changes of yours." 

 I groaned inwardly and rolled away to avoid his eyes when he said those words. 'Perfect Soldier'. Is that all he sees when he looks at me, a walking killing machine? Am I truly that incapable of change? I know in my heart I'm capable of so much more.

"Please don't call me that." I grumble and curl into myself as if to shrink up and disappear. His eyes are still locked onto me and I claim my own private universe on the opposite side of the bed. I want nothing more than to plunge into my own thoughts and hide. 

"Why? I've referred to you that way numerous times before and you never seemed to mind." 

I took in a sharp breath " Well, I _do_ mind Duo. Things have…changed." 

"Yeah," he sighs, "things have changed." 

"…and you dislike who I've become?"

"That's not true Heero. I don't _know_ who you've become. Hell, I'm out of it for a few months and when I come to your playing with toys! What would you like me to say? 'Hey Heero, how's it going? Wanna be roomies again and act like I never left?' Ya know what? I tried that and it didn't help!" 

I pulled my body tightly together to the point where my knees touched my chest. Depressed an unhappy with the course the conversation was on; my mouth made the decision to finally blurt out what had really been the cause of my anxiety. 

"Then why did you leave in the first place?! You suddenly decided that you'd rather be roaming around space; gathering junk with Howard, then have to live with me. And look what happened! You got injured! You almost got yourself fucking killed! "   

I'm yelling so loud now that my throat feels raw. Eyes burning with unshed tears; I lower the lids and squeeze them forcefully, folding further into myself. 

"Because it would have hurt more to stay." 

Duo's voice is raspy and he sounds as if in pain as he finally grants an answer. Instantly my eyes shoot open and I slowly turn around to face him again. Long glistening trails of tears stain the porcelain curves of his face. 

My heart clenches and I'm tempted to reach out and wipe those shimmering droplets from his indigo eyes. However, the pained expression across his brow causes me to halt. 

"Duo." I breathe, "I'm still not sure I understand. I would never intentionally cause you physical harm. In the past I may have been reckless, but those were times of war." 

 His expression shifts to illustrate his frustration. " No, Heero, I mean _emotionally_ it would have been more painful to stay. To stay in that _room_, that _bed_, _every night_ and know that my feelings could never compete with yours. It was frustrating as hell!"

Sighing, I reach out and brush one of the stray chestnut strands from his face. " Love isn't a competition, Duo. No ones got a yardstick measuring how far your feelings ahead your emotions are compared to someone else. Either you care for the other person or you don't." 

Now comes the question that only thinking about causes my chest to ache. "Do you love me, Duo?" 

The look on his face goes sour and he averts my gaze, speaking softly. "I don't know." 

My eyes close as I fight back tears of disappointment. Part of me understands; we never spent much 'quality time' together. He said himself that he hardly knows me anymore. I guess my efforts were too little too late. 

I move to get up, after all I have to get dressed and drive Duo to physical therapy in an hour anyway. 

As soon as the absence of my weight causes the mattress to shift, he begins to speak again. 

"Ya know if you asked me that a year ago I'd probably have said 'yes'. I mean, I'd always told myself that I was obsessed; I had a crush that went just a little too far. That you'd rather tune the transmission on your gundam then talk to me. (3) I never said anything or acted because I didn't want things getting tense or weird. We were living together, and if it turned out that I was imagining this vibe that I felt and you told me to 'fuck off' I'd never be able to live with myself. What if I was to loose the only home, the only friend, I've got? I mean, I still have _feelings _for you; it might be going out on a bit of a limb to call them 'love'. But I do care. I'm just…scared I guess…I'm not sure I'm willing to take a chance and risk not having you around anymore if things didn't work out."      

I stood frozen by the bed, taking a few moments to digest everything Duo spewed out in one long breath. The whole speech was heartening, but still not quite what I had hoped for. 

I suppose every couple has to start somewhere. 

Reclining back on the bed, I pull the distraught boy into my lap and run the fingers through the long silken strands of his mane as a comforting gesture. 

"Duo, I've said before, I don't mind 'taking a chance' on us. I'm not asking you to fall madly in love with me _right now_. All I want is the opportunity to show you how much I really do care. I promise you, from the bottom of my heart, no matter what happens, I'll still be here." 

His eyes drift closed and he reaches out to clasp my hand in his own. 

"Are you willing to take a chance on me Duo?"     

A genuine smile slides across his face and he simply looks up at my wide-eyed. In those eyes, I get my answer. 

"So what do we do now?" He asks. 

Sighing, I slide down so that we are eye-to-eye, lying contently in each other's arms. 

"Now, you're going to take a nap so you're not burnt-out at therapy this afternoon."  

He scowls at me and rolls over, pulling a pillow over his head. "I thought you wanted to be my _boyfriend_, not my _mom_. Uhg." 

I chuckle and squeeze his hand one last time before getting up and leaving him to rest. 

He's so cute when he's sarcastic. 

TBC… 

(1) Don't your PJ pants have pockets? 0_o   Mine do   ^____^'

(2) It occurred to me after I wrote this part that it has an obvious biblical reference. Just to cover my ass here… I am NOT implying that/or comparing Duo is/to Christ or intending ANY religious reference. I prefer to keep the Bible OUT of my slash. I don't know what it is with erotic sponge baths and me. Just keep reading and please don't flame me for that one scene.     

(3) I'm assuming mechs are much like cars and have different gears. I wonder if they've got a manual trans or stick?…oh hell who cares at this point anyway? 

A/N: Still too short, arg. we're finally nearing the end of the line folks! Thank you so very much, once again, to all my wonderful reviewers! *hugs them *       

Also, it's finals week and my sanity has flown out the window!!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! 

Did MTV2 bring back 'head bangers ball'? And why does that VJ look suspiciously like Pee Wee Herman? 

Wow I'm cracked out. 

So Review if You Still Love ME!!!!!! ^_______^ 

Oh and a little random quote that was one of the inspirations for this story: 

"If any man tried treating me the way romantic heroes commonly treat their women, I'd punch his darkly-handsome-broodingly-rich front teeth out!"

-Leslie Fish


	14. Into the Sunset part 1

Ok here it is… the last chapter before the epilogue. But we had fun while it lasted, ne? 

Warnings: A little Limey in the beginning, but nothing porno worthy. There is a good deal of talk about sex in this chapter. I feel the need to state that although much of Heero and Duo's relationship in this chapter centers around sexual frustration, sex is not the only element to a serous relationship and I made an effort to have the situation reflect my own values and experiences. I think my muse is just pushing for a lemon but I'm afraid there won't be one…in this fic anyway.

B/c Cat, Sara, and Holly helped out so much with this chapter they all get random cameos.

Again… be sure your mommy isn't watching u read this. **_I would defiantly say the first part of this chapter IS NOT suitable for children!_**I might be pushing the R rating here… YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!  * Covers her ass and runs away *

Disclaimer: I didn't own the boys when I started, and I don't own them now. 

'Chapter 13 ~ Into the Sunset' ( part1)

The day began as most of our days had over the past month or so. I awoke to the soft sent of lavender and the heavy weight of another body on my chest. Duo's eyes fluttered open under a dense mass of chestnut hair and glanced up at me, smiling. He mumbled a warm greeting before closing his eyes and giving my upper body a tight squeeze. 

There had never been any discussion in relation to the two of us reverting to sharing a bed. The night of our 'confessions' we passed out in each other's arms, and since my room has been turned into a home gym. 

Each day it's the same. I awake to the pleasant entanglement of hair and limbs as the sun creeps through the window. We exchange 'good mornings' and eventually leave the warmth of our bed and head off hot shower and then to a light breakfast before the day starts.

However, today's a bit more special, and I can feel the positive energy pouring in with the sunshine. 

Today Duo returns to the hospital for his finial evaluation. 

I had awoken early, and spent the initial morning hours reflecting on my own insecurities about Duo's recovery. Although he'd demonstrated remarkable independence and rapid physical recuperation, I couldn't help but be nervous; Partly due to my own selfish fears of my love regaining his strength and walking out again; no longer needing my support.  

Of course, I was still excited for him. He'd worked hard to regain his strength. 

Another component of my insecurity lay in the date. I only had about six weeks remaining before my 'paid vacation' from the Preventers came to an end. What was I to do then? Return to work as if nothing ever transpired? Or perhaps I should just stay here and become the loving housewife while Duo goes off to work? 

The other body on the bed shifted and groaned, trying to shield his eyes from the morning light. I reached out and stroked the loose mass of silken hair draped over us two. I don't know why I'm worrying over such self-centered matters right now. I need to focus on treasuring moments such as this, for who knows how long they will last?  

Duo moaned, a sleepy glazed look in his eyes as he gazed up at me and nuzzled into my hand. "Mornin' Heero"

"Ohayo" 

"Rhode Island" He murmured with a drowsy grin and pulled his lethargic form up my bare torso to place a simple peck on my nose. All the way, soft wisps of golden brown curl brush lightly along the sensitive curves of my exposed upper body, causing little electric currents to run through my veins down my whole body. I grasped the base of his neck with one hand, pulling him forward to indulge in a more passionate kiss. 

Duo melted into my arms and slid his nimble fingers to intertwine with my own untidy locks. I moaned into his mouth as his hot tongue began to explore my oral cavity, massaging the sensitive surface of my lower lip. He straddled my chest, grabbing my hair and crushing our lips together forcefully. I obliged and deepened the kiss, allowing my hands to roam from the base of his neck down the curves of his back. When my fingertips brushed the small of his back, Duo responded by lifting his hips and grinding against my willing body.

Those thin pajamas leave nothing to the imagination, and from where I lay, I'd say Duo had some pleasant dreams last night. 

My lips traced down to the cleft of his neck, flicking my tongue and sucking along the collarbone. His breath caught in his throat and a tiny gasp of pleasure escaped his lips. The friction of our bodies moving together caused my boxers to slide down, exposing my awakening arousal, and I faltered, suddenly a bit more self-couscous. But as I slowed my ministrations, Duo quickened his movements, rubbing his own awakened desire against mine.    

I savored the delicious vibrations cascading down my body for a moment, before grasping Duo by the shoulders and rolling over; pinning him to the bed. My own heavy breathing filled my ears as I surveyed the beauty beneath me. 

His eyes were wide with pupils dilated so that only a faint rim of violet was visible. Cheeks flushed, and painting heavily, he gazed up at me, confused. Recently, this scenario had been played out far too often. 

We'd never discussed sex; and although I knew it was an important part of any serous romantic adult relationship, I just couldn't bring myself to fully complete the act. 

Don't get me wrong… I wanted to. I really, _really_, wanted to. However, I couldn't put my own physical desires ahead of the need for building a strong emotional relationship. I wanted to show him _love_ not _lust_. Unfortunately, my hormones seemed to have other ideas in the morning.

Maybe I'm just waiting for the right moment, or perhaps I'm just afraid to tarnish the innocence I see in his eyes. Truth be told, I don't even know if Duo's engaged in this sort of activity before. I've wanted to bring up the topic many times, but found myself too embarrassed and tripping over my own words. The issue of sexual intercourse is a bit more complicated when both partners are men.

I mean, how do I know he wants to be the Uke? Maybe I'm supposed to be the bottom. Do I _want_ to be on bottom?  If I'm Seme then I have to be careful not to be too rough with him. Urg! I wish there was an instruction manual for this!      

Rolling off of my love, I sighed, and flopped onto the mattress, still painting in frustration. Duo snuggles up to my right side and places a few feather light kisses along my neck before peeling himself from the bed. Half naked, and still breathing heavily, he stands in the early daylight.

"I think I need a cold shower." He mumbles before pushing the already falling fabric from his hips, nonchalantly allowing his paints to puddle at his feet, and darting toward the bathroom.

I watched his slender hips sway for a brief second and he fled through the doorway and lay flat on my back and closed my eyes before smothering myself with a pillow. 

Thank the gods this house is huge; I might have to find myself a private corner latter. 

* * * * * * * * * 

As I flipped the last pancake, the smooth trickle of water echoing from the shower ceased. I carefully arranged it with the others on Duo's plate, before sprinkling a sparse portion of chocolate chips on top. Poor Duo hasn't been permitted sweets for a while, I figure today's special.  

The hardwood floor creaking in the hall alerts me to his presence. Duo saunters into the well-lit kitchen, one hand drying his hair with a towel, and the other reaching right for _my_ freshly made breakfast. Spatula in hand, a flick of the wrist, and Duo yelped as the metal whipped his hand. 

"Itai! Heero, why'd ya do that?" He wines, pouting and sucking on his slightly reddened hand. 

"Yours is on the table." I say with a smile before allowing my eyes to wonder down his exposed torso to the white cotton towel draping over his hips. 

"You need to put some clothes on." 

"Yeah well," He responds while shoveling food in his mouth, "my sweats are in the dryer and I don't see the point in getting dressed twice. That slave driver Sara's got me doing a full evaluation the gym today as well as a full physical. Ooh! Chocolate! Are you sure it's ok for me to eat these, Heero?" 

I shrugged, "Don't see why not. Did you already fill a urine sample?" 

"Yup, upstairs on the sink in a yogurt cup." 

" Well then, no one will know if you don't tell them." I winked. "That amount of chocolate shouldn't alter your blood sugar _that_ much."     

A warm grin caressed his lips. "Your too damn good to me Heero."

Leaning back against the counter with my plate in hand, I smiled. Duo sat half-naked and bathed in the morning light at our kitchen table; happily munching on the meal I'd prepared. 

I get a certain amount of satisfaction watching him eat my food. Up until a while ago, neither of us could so much as boil water. We relayed on the microwave and take-out for a bit, and then Duo's nutritionist, Holly, took notice and gave both of us a lecture about proper diet. Apparently, Chinese and McDonalds ™ aren't included in the meal plan for a recovering coma patient. So one of us had to learn how to cook, and Duo had difficulty not tripping over the kitchen counter on his crutches. 

Therefore it became my responsibility to learn how to prepare an adequate meal for the both of us. I bought countless gourmet cookbooks before realizing how difficult healthy food is to make. Not to mention how expensive most of the exotic ingredients were! Eventually I figured out how to broil a steak without charring it.

Duo never seemed to mind. He just smiled graciously and gulped down whatever burnt-beyond-recognition or boiled-to-mush food I put in front of him. My culinary skills have improved significantly, but I still worry if the food I prepare is really edible. 

"Heero? Are you just gonna stand there staring at me or are you gonna eat?" 

Duo had just about swallowed every last pancake on his plate and was currently licking half melted chocolate chips off his fingers; very seductively, I might add. Due to his sloppy eating habits, little drops of maple syrup had trickled onto his chest; witch was still slightly wet from his shower. The sticky mixture glistened in the sunlight and caused an unexpected reaction in my groin.   

I wanted nothing more then to jet forward, pull him out of that chair, and lick off those sparkling sticky-sweet drops. 

Kami, I really have no self-control.

Sexual thoughts began to swim through my brain as I began to play out what would be our erotic encounter in my mind. That towel would go flying across the room as I pinned him down on the clean white tile floor. Capturing those sugar sticky lips in a hot kiss before moving my hands to cup his firm ass and pull him closer. Our bodies rubbing together as I struggled to shed my clothes… Both of us naked and entangled on the kitchen floor….  

"Yo Heero! Earth calling Heero Yuy!" 

I shook my head, trying to will away all those impure thoughts. Duo stared at me, concerned, while snapping his fingers to get my attention. 

"Heero, EAT. We're gonna be late." 

I looked down at my now cold meal and tossed the plate onto the counter. "I'm not hungry." 

Well, not for pancakes anyway.

Duo raised an eyebrow gazed at me in confusion. "Suit yourself I guess." 

He continued to finish off his coffee and I pulled up a chair and watched his lip caress the ceramic cup. I really should just talk to him about my sexual desires. For all I know he might be struggling the same as I. However, do I really want to have this conversation when he sitting here in nothing but a towel?  

Well I suppose now's as good a time as any. 

"Are you a virgin?" I asked abruptly. 

Duo's eyes went wide and he began to choke on his drink. 

Smooth Heero. That went over as well as Wufei at a feminist convention. 

"Heero, I really don't think this is appropriate breakfast conversation." He replied. His joking tone laced with nervousness as he refused to meet my eyes.

"It's perfectly legitimate question Duo, considering how we've been waking up the past few weeks."

Even thought I was incredibly insecure, I did my best not to let it show. I straightened my posture and kept my hands folded on the table, doing my best to look deadly serous. Doing his best to seem uninterested, Duo shifted uncomfortable in his chair and used his fork to make little designs in the syrup puddles on his plate.

"I just don't see why it's so damn important." He mumbled and rose to deposit his plate in the sink. I leapt up sending the chair flying across the floor and stood between him and the counter. 

"Duo, we _need_ to talk about this."  

"_Why_ Heero? Why the hell does it matter that much to you? Who the hell cares whom I've been with!  I'm here now aren't I?!"     

I know Duo's right. All that should matter is that he is here with me in this moment, that he chose to stay. But we don't live in a perfect world. Sexual acts transmit deadly diseases that tear apart lives. Openness in discussing past sexual activity with a new partner is a must in today's world. One of the reasons I'm bringing up this uncomfortable subject is to act like a responsible adult in a serous relationship. The other reason, I'm ashamed to admit, is my own insecurity of Duo being more experienced than I. 

The next sound I heard was Duo's plate crashing to the floor and shattering into a million pieces. He stood, fists clenched at his side, and head hung low as if he was about to cry. 

"I knew I'd never be enough for you." He muttered in a low strained voice, tears threatening to fall.  

I reached out and placed my index finger beneath his chin, lifting his head. 

"Duo, you are more than enough for me. I love you. Don't ever doubt that fact. I'm just…concerned about taking our relationship to _that_ level without discussing it with you first. I don't want to hurt or disappoint you. I've never done anything like this before." 

From under his damp chestnut waves, Duo's eyes widened and a sheepish grin laced his lips. 

"To tell ya the truth Heero, I've never done anything like this either. I'm just kinda going with what feels right. I'm sorry if you felt like I was pushing things too fast." 

Honestly, I was shocked. Duo's as inexperienced as I am? I cannot believe a man that damn beautiful hasn't been taken by someone already. 

I would be duo's first! Oh kamisama, what was I saying before about performance anxiety? Damn it. 

"Heero knock it off, will ya! Don't look so damn surprised! I may be a flirt but I'm not the town whore." 

He smirked and swayed slightly, placing his hands on his waist, just above the loosely hanging towel. Once again, a throbbing sensation attacked my groin. I hate towels. I think I'll burn every single one in the house this afternoon. 

"I know!" he exclaimed, thrusting a finger in my face. "Since we are both a little unsure about going all the way, why don't we slow things down a bit." 

"Slow things down?" I asked. My mind boggled and my body protested. Somehow I don't think I'll like this idea. 

"Why don't we go on a date tonight! We've never really had a date before so this can be our first!"

Oh goody. Dating. Someone save me. 

Still, Duo seems awfully excited about the idea and it is an important step. 

"Fine." 

"Wonderful!" 

With that, Duo threw his arms around me and pecked me chastely on the lips. I smiled and melted into the warmth of the embrace: my hands tracing circles on his bare back. 

Everything I've ever wanted is pressed, naked forfeit a towel, against my willing body, nuzzling at the sensitive spot on my neck…and now we are taking it slow.

Someone up there hates me. 

The ticking of the wall clock dragged my attention away form the supple form hard-pressed against me.    

"Lets get going love. You'll be late." 

He drew away slowly and threw me one last lustful smirk before sauntering down the hall. I surveyed the disaster that was our kitchen before turning and repeatedly pounding my head into the wall. 

A date. What mess have I gotten into now?

* * * * * * * 

We arrived barely on time at the medical facility. Sara and Holly greeted us at the entrance and ushered the now fully clothed braided boy off post-haste. I signed Duo in at the front desk and greeted the receptionist with a kind smile. All the while, my mind swarmed with desperation. 

I want tonight to be the most incredible night of our lives, but I don't know the first thing about dating or relationships. Plopping down in one of the plastic chairs to begin the three-hour wait during the examination, I began to brainstorm ideas for tonight's date.     

The amusement park was the first idea that popped into my head, traditional and something I know Duo would enjoy. However, I immediately dismissed it. I don't mean to be overprotective, but I think it may be too soon. The last thing I want is for Duo to suffer and injury on a roller coaster and then have to come back here and explain to Holly and Sara what happened.   

Perhaps something a little less public, like a movie. I've never been fond of theaters though; so many people locked away in a dark room makes me nervous somehow. 

Tilting my head back and letting out a long sigh, I gave up. I'm half-tempted to Duo where he wants to go but I want this to be sort of a congratulatory surprise. There's only one person I know with experience who has ever displayed a romantic interest in me. 

Digging into my pocket, I withdrew my cell phone and dialed her number. 

~ Ringing~ 

"Hello. Please state your security code for voice recognition." The mechanical voice on the other end chimed.   

"Preventer Yuy, code 0001B." 

"Please hold"

A long pause followed as I anxiously awaited an operator. 

"I'm sorry, but that code is no longer valid. To try again, press '1'. If this is an emergency, please press '0' for an operator. Your call is important to us." 

I scowled and hit zero. 

Great. Une you bitch! I'm only on vacation, you didn't have to go and terminate my universal pass-code!  

"Hello, Senate offices. How may I direct your call?" 

Finally, a living person instead those damned automated answering services. 

"I'd like to speak with Senator Peacecraft." 

"May I ask what this is in reference to?" 

"My name is Preventer Heero Yuy. It's imperative that I speak with her immediately." 

"I'm sorry sir, but you'll need to use your voice recognition pass-code to get to a secure line." 

" I just attempted that. The system must be corrupted because my password wasn't recognized." 

"Sir, there is no way I can put you on a direct line to the Senator without identity verification. The most I can do is transfer you to her personal answering service." 

This woman _must_ be new. Well then, she wants to play rough on her first day, I'll give her something to tell the people at the water cooler about. 

"Listen! This is a matter of world security. Do you have _any _ideawho the hell I am?! If you do not patch me through immediately millions of people will be dead! Do you want their blood on your hands? DO YOU?!" 

"Uhh…connectingnowsir."  

~Ring~ 

Ah, newbies are always fun. Just raise your voice and panic and they eat out of your hand. 

I suddenly felt slightly uncomfortable. Looking up I realized the entire waiting area had its gaze on me in shock. I looked over at one woman in particular, who was sitting across form me holding an infant. 

"New employee" I shrugged and she nodded in understanding. 

The phone rang for a good two minutes before Relena's voice finally appeared on the other end. 

"Heero? Heero what happened? What's wrong? Has there been an attack?" 

I chuckled. "No Relena, you just need a better screening process for hiring new personnel."   

"Good grief Heero" She sighed "Don't do that shit! You almost gave me a heart attack. Next time use your damn password like everyone else!" 

"Une disabled my code, so I had to go through the main operator." 

"WHAT? WHY?"

"I don't know Relena." 

"I'll talk to her about it this afternoon and see that it gets reinstated. Now would you mind telling me _why_ I was dragged out of an important meeting? Or do I have to guess?" 

 I began to feel a slightly awkward and even a little silly for calling Relena. For a moment, I reconsidered the conversation I was about to invoke. What if she got jealous? I hadn't even thought of that before. After all, she did chase me around, risking death, during two universal wars.

Maybe I should have called Quatre instead. 

"Heero! I'm a very busy person. What do you want?"      

"Well… Uhh…if this is a bad time, I could just~"

"Ooh, I see. This is about you and Duo isn't it?" 

Her tone became softer, more devious. I was thoroughly surprised she knew Duo and I were together. Furthermore she didn't seem aggravated by that fact. 

"Yeah, actually. How did you~?" 

"Oh, Quatre told me. I think it's wonderful! And I know just what you want to ask me!" 

A short pause and nasal grunt illustrated my confusion. 

"Oh, Heero! Of course I'll be your maid of honor! When's the wedding?"  

I sputtered and almost fell from my chair. 

"Wait, Relena, I don't know what Quatre told you but Duo and I aren't getting married! I just wanted to ask you where I should take him on a date!" 

"Oh." Relena replayed with disappointment evident in her voice.

"Yeah." 

"Well then," She perked up, " A date. How about a love hotel or a host club? Ya know, spice things up a little?" 

Spice things up? Didn't Duo and I just agree to tone things down? Maybe calling Relena wasn't the best idea. 

"Umm, I was thinking something a bit more romantic and private." 

"Well… candles around the tub and a scented bath with rose petals always works for me."  

Aggravation thy name is Relena. 

"No. Something where we can keep our clothes _on_."   

"Now why would you want to do that?" 

"Duo and I agreed to take things slow." 

"Hang on, let me see if I've got this straight, Heero. You've been living with Duo off and on for almost a year. You've known him for what? Two years? Two and a half? You've had a crush on the guy for as long as I can remember. You've been dating for a while and you haven't boinked him _yet_?" 

I sighed, "No. I haven't slept with him."

"Well why the hell not?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure exactly how to go about it. I want it to be a special experience for him."  

"Oh Lord, Heero. It's not that difficult. All you your doing is putting something in a hole, its not rocket science."

"RELENA!"

"Ok, ok. Tell you what; just leave everything to me. I'll come up with the perfect romantic date for the new _slow_ couple, alright?" 

Although her offer seems tempting, can I really trust her with this? I looked over at the clock. Duo was supposed to be done with his exam in less than an hour. I suppose whatever she comes up with has to be better than nothing.  

"Alright Relena."

"Great! I'll be at your house by five-thirty to set everything up. Just keep Duo busy. Ok?" 

"Ok, But I'm trusting you with this."

"Don't worry so much Heero. You'll get gray hair." 

A low female voice in what sounded like a moan came from Relena's end of the line. 

"Who else is there?" 

"Huh? Oh no one." 

"Miss Relena." The voice whined low and seductive. 

"Relena I do believe you have a guest." 

"One sec." 

The conversation was muffled but I definitely herd Relena scolding someone and another female whining. There was a brief scuffle and a new voice came from the line. 

"Hey Heero. You guys aren't going to be much longer are you?" 

I suddenly recognized who it was. "Dorothy?!"  

Another short scuffle and low moans of protest and Relena was back on the line. "Sorry about that. She gets…anxious." 

"I see." That's when it dawned on me. "A meeting huh?"

"Ummm… just don't tell anyone, please? We're trying to keep this under wraps. Press and all." 

"Understood. Ja Relena." 

"See you latter ~ hang on Dorothy. No don't put your shirt back on!"

~Click~

Closing my cell phone, I leaned back against the wall and rubbed my temple. Why does everyone feel the need to focus on the sexual aspects of things? Kami-sama let her come through on this. Duo would kill me if he came home to a room full of whips and chains.   

"Mr. Yuy?" 

I jumped in surprise and looked up to see the vibrant, blond receptionist, standing over me. 

"I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. If it helps, there is a rather good florist just a block down to the right. I hear they have a wonderful selection." 

"Thank you Cat. I think that might be the best idea I've herd all day." 

 She nodded and wondered back off to deal with a pile of charts. 

I stretched and stood up. Flowers sound like a good back up plan, just incase I need to apologize for Relena's potential screw up. I had plenty of time for such a small task. 

With a bit more confidence, I meandered out the huge sliding doors and up the block. 

Then an odd thought hit me. 

Did Senator Relena Peacecraft just use the word "boinked"?

TBC…

Yes I know I'm evil for dividing up the last chapter. Yes I have it written. No you can't read it yet. 

Review of you love pancakes!  ^____^


	15. Into the Sunset part 2

Yes I am evil. I'm sorry for cutting this up BUT its getting obscenely long. That last chapter didn't seem to go over very well considering how few reviews I got respectively. I hope this ending lives up to everyone's expectations! *  Is nervous *  Thank you very very very much to those who did review!    

Disclaimer: I didn't own the boys when I started, and I don't own them now. 

Warnings: You know my drill; fluff, angst, fluff, angst, fluff, angst …and a tiny surprise. 

'Chapter 13 ~ Into the Sunset' ( part2)

The quiet car ride home gave me much needed time to think.  

Thankfully, the recommended trip to the florist proved very productive. I purchased two-dozen roses, one-dozen red and one-dozen yellow. Apparently, yellow symbolizes friendship and red symbolizes love. I'm still debating over which bouquet would be most appropriate under the circumstances; I don't want to be too overbearing with my feelings. That might frighten Duo. After all, I did promise him to take it slow. 

My braided beauty had been grinning ear to ear since we left the hospital.  Lost in his own little world, Duo sat slumped over and gazed out of the passenger side window. Holly and Sara hand signed all the proper release forms and granted him a clean bill of health. Everything had come out above average and both ladies made a point to note that no patient had ever recovered at such an amazing rate. 

Duo Maxwell was now clear for work, all outdoor activities, and even space travel. He was elated. 

However, as we pulled up to the house, I was still feeling uneasy: and the pink limo sitting in the driveway only made me more fearful. 

Christ, couldn't she have a least bothered to hide the car? 

"Umm Heero? What is Relena doing here?"  Duo asked eyes narrowed in suspicion.  

 "Maybe she stopped by to congratulate you on your recovery?" 

I hate lying, especially to Duo. But for the sake of surprising him, I guess I must.  

Duo sighed and leaned back as I turned off the engine. "Somehow I doubt that." 

"Shh." I placed a finger on his lips and then quickly replaced it with a soft kiss. " You just grab the mail and run in the house. I'll see what she wants." 

He complied and hopped out of the car, throwing Relena a scowl and trotting off. 

"Nice to see you too, Duo!" She called after him, giggling. 

The two of them have never really gotten along, damned if I know why. They are the two closest friends I have and I really wish they'd at least make an effort to be civil once and a while. Duo always said 'he wouldn't trust her as far as he could throw her'.  Its quite possible he just can't trust diplomats after all the crap we endured during the wars… or maybe its jealousy? 

I rested my temple on the steering wheel for a second to get my mind in order. I could spend all damn day speculating as to why those two can't just be friends; but not today. 

I lifted my head and pushed open the driver's door, stepping out.

Today I have a date with death, and he gets fussy when I keep him waiting. 

Running to great me with a warm hug, Relena beamed mischievously. "Oh Heero, do I have a surprise for you!" She gleamed, placing her index finger on my nose to emphasize her statement. 

"This better be good, Relena, or else ~" 

"I know. I know. You'll kill me, right? Heero I thought we'd gotten past that phase of our relationship." Mockingly she pouted for a second and then burst into giggles. " Oh, you'll like this I promise. Now follow me!" 

Without another word she grabbed my arm and pulled me off toward the back of the house. All the while I silently prayed, fearing disaster. 

"Wait. Wait." She suddenly stopped and pulled something from her back pocket. "First put this on."

I glanced down at her outstretched hand to see she was clutching a long black piece of cloth. Eyeing her curiously, I took it and let my fingers run over the silky fabric. 

"What am I supposed to do with this?" 

"It's a blindfold silly! Now put it on." 

"Relena, didn't I specifically ask you ~"

"Psht, it's nothing kinky." 

She grabbed the blindfold from me and began to wrap it around my eyes despite my protest. 

"There now. You'll get the full experience." 

Great. I wonder what she means by _that_? No time to argue now I suppose. 

"Lead the way Relena." 

With that she clasped my hand and slowly guided me the rest of the way around the house. I could smell the salty air of the lake and feel the texture of the sand beneath my feet. I hadn't been back on the beach since Duo and I had fought here. 

Relena carefully positioned me and when finally satisfied with where I stood, she untied the silky cloth. 

"Ta Da!" She exclaimed and bounced up and down clapping her hands together. 

The early afternoon sun beat down on the crystal blue waves rushing against the sand. The air smelt crisp and carried the songs of local birds. Before me lay a large white blanket, spread out to be about six feet long and eight feet wide. Staked into the ground about the blanket was a tent of the same white shade. Open on the end facing the water and draped in what looked like a gauzy, mosquito net type material, that was almost transparent. On the corners of the blanket set clusters of white and violet candles, varying in size. The floor of the partial enclosure had been sprinkled with white rose petals and violets. Pristine china was laid out in a place setting for two. Wind chimes and ribbons hung from a support bar in the center of the tent structure and danced in the gentle breeze. 

My eyes went wide in awe. 

"Well? What do you think Heero?" 

I turned to Relena, my mouth open like a fish gasping for water. I couldn't even begin to find the words. Instead I just scooped her up in my arms and whipped her around, both of us laughing. 

"I'll take that to mean you like?" 

"YES! How did you do this?!" 

"A girl never reveals her secrets, Heero. Suffice it to say, I had a little help." 

I just keep looking from Relena back to the set up on the beach, totally shocked. "This is too perfect." 

"Well, that's not all." She winked and ran over to grab a shopping bag that sat on the blanket. Rummaging through tits contents, she thrust into my hands a book. 'Sex for Dummies ™' what do ya know? Someone did write an instruction manual for this crap. 

"It's for when you two decide things need to move a bit faster." She explained and I blushed. 

"Umm…thanks." 

"Ok." Relena began to elaborate on how things would proceed for the evening. "I went to the best seafood restaurant in the area and got you two lobster, crab legs, and whole bunch of other yummy stuff. I hope Duo's not allergic to shell fish." 

"I doubt he's ever had it, Relena. I know I haven't." 

"Oh good. Then you'll both get to try something new. But it has to go into the oven on a low setting to stay warm until it's time to bring the food out here. I suggest waiting until right before sunset to bring Duo out, and use the blindfold like I did with you. That way it's a total surprise. Just keep him out of the yard until then. Oh and there's white wine too. I got glass jars for the candles to go in so the whole setup doesn't go up in flames. Just don't leave them lit, got it?"   

I nodded. 

"Good, then help me get the food out of the car and I'll leave you two love birds alone. Now what were you planning on wearing?" 

"I honestly hadn't given it much thought." 

She threw her arms in the air and glared at me, annoyed. "Well come on then. I can't be expected to do everything now can I? Don't you know _anything_ about dating? These things matter!"  

Relena grabbed my arm again, this time to pull me into the house. I guess I still have a lot to learn today.

* * * * * 

Finally, everything was arranged. 

Relena and I said our 'good-byes' and she preceded wish me luck before driving off. The food had been stowed in the oven and I was dressed. After rummaging through my narrow wardrobe, the two of us agreed upon a rather snug pair of stone washed jeans and a hunter green button down shirt, which Relena suggested I leave _open_ and _unbuttoned_. 

For a long while, I stood before the full-length mirror, fussing with my attire. Eventually I decided that she had been right, the outfit looked better if I forgot modesty. After all, its not as if Duo hasn't already seen me bare-chested.    

After running back out to the car to collect my two-dozen roses, I carefully arranged the flowers next to Duo's plate. The only thing missing now was the guest of honor. 

The violet-eyed boy was currently positioned smack in front of the television, completely occupied by a video fighting game that he was loosing, quite badly.  

Wandering back in to the house, I found him in the same position as he had been in for the past three hours. Slumped over on the sofa, legs thrown over the armrest, head propped up on a dislocated seat cushion, and body twisted as to face the TV with controller in hand. 

"Oh man! Come on and die already! Damn it. Shit. Shit. Shit." Duo profaned as he lost yet another round. 

I stood in the doorway, amused by my love's determination and childish charm. He can pilot a gundoniam mobile suit but he can't master a simple video game. Trying my best to keep a straight face, I moved toward the sofa and reached out with one palm to rustle the soft loose hair of his bangs. He paused the game and smiled up at me. 

"What did Relena want anyway?"

I shook my head. "Just business Duo." 

My second lie for the day but I swore in my heart I'd make it up to him tonight. 

"I see. Do you always dress so provocatively for business?" He smirked and moved in closer, kneeling on the couch. Duo's hands reached out and under the open sides of the shirt to rest on my bear back. A soft cheek and fine lashes brushed along my stomach as he nuzzled the sensitive skin there and then rested his chin above my navel, eyes gazing widely at my face.       

I wasn't exactly sure if that was the type of question that warranted an answer. So I just stroked his cheek lovingly and stared into those entrancing purple depths. 

"Well now Heero. Is there a reason why little miss Relena gets to see you in such sexy attire and I don't?" 

His voice low and husky, laced with undertones of want and lust. Unbearably aroused and yet completely content in our embrace, I traced my thumb along his jaw and pulled him upward for a light kiss that quickly deepened. Before I knew what was happening, I was drawn down onto the sofa and our tongues were battling for dominance. My mind became hazy, lost in the delicious sensation of Duo's yielding lips beneath my own. We parted for air and something in the back of my mind reminded me just _why_ I came back in the house.    

"You need to go get dressed." I breathed heavily. Still trying to will my libido down. 

Duo stared up at me quizzically. 

"We have a date tonight, remember love?" 

Duo groaned and wrapped his arms around my neck. "Can't we just have our date here on the sofa?" 

"No." I laughed, kissing his temple. " I have something special planned. Now go get out of those nasty sweats and put on something _clean_."

"Well how will I know what to put on if you won't tell me where we are going?"   

"It's a surprise. Jeans should be fine." 

Like a snake, Duo wiggled out from under me and flopped down on the floor. 

"I hate surprises, Heero." He pouted, sprawling out on the carpet. 

"You'll like this one."

"Promise?" 

"Hai." 

"Aw. Ok then." 

Peeling himself off the floor, Duo headed to toward our bedroom to change, his braid dancing behind him. 

"Oh! Almost forgot! There's a letter for you on the counter." He called back, poking his head around the doorframe and then disappearing again with a sly smile. 

 Gleefully anticipating our evening together, I quickly wandered off to the kitchen with a bounce in my step.

Our kitchen still lay in disarray from this morning's chaos. Scattered particles of broken flatware lay on the floor and I had to pick up a chair to walk through the doorway. I shook my head in disgust at the mess Duo and I had created earlier that day. 

Why in the world had he been so upset over that question? I wonder if it has something to do with his encounter with Wufei? Could something that occurred so long ago still be bothering him as well? 

I stood staring down at the shattered white china before bending down to gather up as many of the shards as I could hold without cutting myself. 

Duo Maxwell has been through so much heartache in his lifetime its no wonder he's so protective of his emotions. Yet he is so open and giving that it boggles my mind. Something in regards to his virginity bothers him, I just wish I knew what. 

With a sigh I resolved to let the matter rest until my love was prepared to divulge the information himself.  

A simple white envelope, which I assumed to be another bill, lay on the kitchen counter.  

Picking up the packet to examine it more closely, I quickly discovered otherwise. My heart seemed to stop as I stared blankly at the return address, clearly printed in bold black type on the pristine white wrapping. 

_"Preventer Headquarters."_

I swallowed the lump wedged in my throat and tore open the thin envelope with shaking hands…and as I read, the lump only grew larger. 

_"Preventer Heero Yuy, _

_            This letter serves as official notification that, as of March 25, AC 127; you will be immediately re-instated to active duty.  A pressing case has surfaced and requires your immediate attention. _

_A superior officer will be contacting you shortly through a secure Internet connection to provide the necessary details. Obligatory travel arrangements have already been made. _

_I'm sorry to cut your vacation short, Heero. _

_                                                            ~Cornel Director Une"_

The paper slipped through my fingertips and drifted to lie at my feet. 

_Three Days. _[1]

I only have three days remaining before a new mission begins. 

_Travel. _

That means I might have to leave Duo. 

_Duty. I must obey orders, for the sake of all those who gave their lives for peace. _

But what about the life I have here? 

_Duo will understand._

My head began to throb as a swarm of doubts and questions filled my brain. Although painful sensation, it seemed yet somehow familiar.  

Why must I leave him behind? 

What the hell is the point of existing if you can't be with the one person you treasure most?

_Why are you questioning yourself why you know the appropriate action? _

Could I take him with me?

_Wouldn't that just put him in the line of fire? _

Do I even want to be a Preventer? 

 If I left, and the mission failed, wouldn't it be my fault? Do I want more blood on my hands?

If I go, I will most likely have to kill. Do I want to touch Duo with such stained hands? 

_What if you choose not to go, and as a result, Duo loses his life? What if he is a target?_

Duo's life is my life, and therefore I will protect it as though it were my own. 

Standing, shaking, and clutching the kitchen counter for balance, I had a moment of clarity then. My life was not my own anymore, I shared it with Duo; therefore I could not take any action without consulting him first. If it were his wish, I will turn in my resignation to Une tomorrow. 

But foremost, I had a few things that I had been hiding. Things I had willed away for a time and tried deeply to forget. 

There is a reason why I was put on leave.

If Duo and I have any hope to stay together… if I ever want him to open up to me about his secrets… I will have to tell him mine. 

TBC…

[1] hmmm now why is this in italics… I wonder who's talking here? Oops…did I wake someone up? (Oh please, alternate personalities can't die.)

Hey look! I made Relena do something right! ^____^

I know I'm evil. This is by far the longest chapter I have ever written, currently totaling 30 pages and still growing as I struggle to finish part 3. 

I really want to give this story a happy ending, so I'm working hard! 

Onward! To the doki-doki dateo! 

Please Review! 


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